We Must Ban These Christmas Classics To Please The Wokesters
In the name of social justice, it is important to quash all the good Christmas feelings and instead find something at which to take offense.
Let Me Tell You A Very Real ER Story That Confirms All My Political Dogmas
As my patient convulsed, this Nazi-sympathizing virus-denier who attended Sturgis and several illegal Thanksgivings said, ‘I should have voted for Biden.’
I Keep My Kid Locked In The Apartment. So What? (An Op-Ed From 2019)
People keep telling me that these choices are going to have lasting, long-term, negative effects on my child. Come on, man. Kids are adaptable.
Georgia State University’s Exclusion Of My Helicopter Pronouns From 50 Other Choices Is An Act Of Violence
I’m not a student at Georgia State University, but I’m offended anyway.
A Day In The Life Of An Anonymous Resistance Member Inside The Trump Administration
The reality is that anyone who demands ‘evidence’ — itself a term invented by slaveowners to assert dominion over oppressed minorities — hates this country and the Constitution I swore an oath to defend.
Dr. Fauci’s Genius Opening Pitch Highlights His Social Distancing Prowess
Its trajectory, as with Dr. Fauci himself, proceeded from roughly the middle of the mound into a definite curve, landing firmly to his left.
Your Complete Guide To Canceling Every Team In Major League Baseball
Why stop at the Cleveland Indians or Texas Rangers? When you think about it, every single team name in Major League Baseball is irredeemably offensive.
Joe Biden Must Wear A Face Mask Right Now
Joe Biden’s failure to wear a medical face mask is a blatant example of toxic masculinity.
Catholic Bishops Forbid Making Sign Of The Cross: ‘You Could Poke Your Eye Out And Go Blind’
The latest announcement was the most recent of a series of changes beginning with the indefinite suspension of all public Masses and the abolition of meatless Fridays in Lent.
I Own A Peloton Bike, And I’m Better Than You
When we’re awake at 4 a.m. on Christmas morning, our Lululemon athleisure wear hugging every crevice of our hard, angular bodies, where will you be? In bed wasting oxygen. That’s where.
I’m Definitely A Real Wall Street Guy Who Hates Elizabeth Warren
You can shake my hand and feel my flesh gripping yours and maybe even sense our lifestyles are comparable.
What Democrats Really Sound Like In Their ‘How Socialist Can You Get’ Primary Debates
Any similarities to candidate comments made after this article has published is merely evidence of the author’s clairvoyance.
Left-Wing ‘Fact-Checker’ Snopes Is Trying To Deplatform Babylon Bee
The fact-checking website Snopes.com, wrote a “fact-check” article questioning the satirical nature of the Babylon Bee.
We Work For Bernie, Here Are Our Demands
We, the workers of Sandernista International Local 101, demand fair and equal treatment from our employer, Bernie Sanders.
Why ‘Law And Order: Hate Crimes Unit’ Is The Show America Needs
The new Netflix original mini-series exposes the dark heart of American hatred with all the trappings of ‘Law and Order’ we love.
Why I’m Endorsing Bill De Blasio For President
America, New York City needs you. Please take Bill de Blasio off of our hands.
We Only Have Three And A Half Days To Stop Climate Change
If we don’t surrender our rights and hand control of the economy over to the state, the world will pretty much be over by Tuesday morning.
Why My Wife And I Decided To Abort Our Unborn Gay Son
Even Richard Dawkins tweeted it would be immoral to have a child who would suffer because of his genetics. I’m sure we’re on solid ground here.
The Greatest Living American Writer Accepts His TIME Person Of The Year Award
As The Greatest Living American Writer, I accept TIME’s Person Of The Year Award on behalf of all writers, journalists, and writers who write about journalism,
Why Those ‘I Voted’ Stickers Degrade Our Great Republic
American voters aren’t first graders. Giving them a sticker to vote is condescending and wrong.
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