As the moon rises, another shirt and pair of shoes get ruined.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.

You don’t have to go to the Hallmark Channel to expand your seasonal selections.

If I couldn’t be trusted to prevent a stuffed bear from stealing my car, then how could I be trusted to stop Nicolas Cage from stealing the Constitution?

It’s too late for Bread and Butter to serve a higher purpose, but that doesn’t mean Thanksgiving 2020 can’t be a time in which we start new traditions.

It’s fall, which means it’s time to pick apples and steal cars.

She just needs to embrace these simple steps, plus serve cookies and tea.

You can shake my hand and feel my flesh gripping yours and maybe even sense our lifestyles are comparable.

We’re gonna do what they say can’t be done.

The new Tool album us not just any album: it’s one that places demands on the listener. It’s an album we can wear out listen to on repeat, and come back to.

He swept his right arm across hall, looked me in the eye, and said three little words that every benevolent ruler wants to hear: ‘We’re commanding them.’

The Washington Post is one of the world’s most destructive newspapers. Their attack on man’s best friend proves it.

‘You’re not allowed to own a bazooka, you can’t own a flamethrower,’ says Democrat Joe Biden. False. Flamethrowers are legal, and they’re spectacular.

Blade’s sword-wielding, crime-fighting ways — and the progression of the trilogy itself — gave us all the opportunity to learn the name Thanos.

Running as a ‘legitimate’ candidate‒a true man of the people‒is a marathon, not a sprint.

Pardon me, gentle voters, but ¿Donde está la biblioteca?

It took three tries to make it all the way through this scintillating look at Robert Francis O’Rourke’s love of the f-word and Whataburger.

Sure, I’ve probably got grassroots support, but I’m not in it for support. I’m in it for my own personal gain.

Hunt’s, the company known for making tomato products, has officially apologized for assuming the sex of its canned sloppy Joe mix.

In 2020, you have a choice. You can go for those who want to play Johnny Appleseed or you can go for those who have your ability to breathe freely in mind.