University Affirms ‘QAnon Conspiracy’ On COVID Spreading Through WiFi
“We have no choice but to cut the WiFi from all students who do not get the vaccine so we can protect the university from further infection,” administrators said.
After Afghanistan Debacle, Trump Must Be Impeached For A Third Time
Pelosi may have failed in her efforts to impeach Trump the first time, and then again after he left office, but this time is different. Trump is responsible for Afghanistan.
Why Anthony Fauci’s Next Heroic Crusade Needs To Be Against Lightning
Together, apart, we can thwart nature, exaggerate risks, and protect our children from an invisible monster that poses basically zero risk to them.
10 July 4th Traditions More Appropriate Than Claire McCaskill’s
‘On the Fourth of July and every Fourth of July going forward, we’re going to watch that video that The New York Times put together of January 6th,’ McCaskill said on MSNBC’s ‘Morning Joe.’
John Cena And Joel Osteen Fight For Fortune Cookie Supremacy
After becoming aware of the Wrestler’s Twitter feed, Joel Osteen challenges John Cena to a cage match to settle who is the king of empty platitudes.
Ad Seeks To Place ‘A Pair Of Destructive Demon Cats Who Stink Up Your Home’
If Prancer, the ‘haunted Victorian child’ dog from viral ad, could find a home, are these poop machine ‘demon cats’ next?
Women’s Sport, Foreign Meddling, And Dancing? Surely This Is Not The Grand Old Party A Whalin’ Yankee Man Deserves
We might not a’ toasted at all if we’d known the tattered state of our proud country and the party we’d returned to a full 12 years later.
It’s Time For Big Business To Replace All Their CEOs With Twitter Mobs
Sure, you could have a leader who ‘makes decisions’ and ‘goes against conventional wisdom,’ but you don’t want to get dragged on Twitter, do you?
Charlottesville Mayor Posts Deranged Rant Comparing City To Being Raped
Charlottesville, Virginia Mayor Nikuyah Walker compared her city to being raped in a poem she published to her Facebook and Twitter accounts on Wednesday.
The Greatest Living American Writer Finally Renounces The Federalist
In an attempt to save my shattered reputation, I renounce The Federalist. It is too little, too late, and not nearly enough, for our culture has silenced me forever.
Alpha Male Elon Musk Reminds Politicians Just How To Talk To Reporters
A lot of politicians and businessmen don’t understand that the press only has so much power as we give them. Elon Musk gets it, though.
We Need To Have A National Conversation About Offensive Muppets
It’s about time we have a conversation about these muppets who, in their ignorance, have perpetuated harmful stereotypes through their puppet privilege.
We Must Ban These Christmas Classics To Please The Wokesters
In the name of social justice, it is important to quash all the good Christmas feelings and instead find something at which to take offense.
Let Me Tell You A Very Real ER Story That Confirms All My Political Dogmas
As my patient convulsed, this Nazi-sympathizing virus-denier who attended Sturgis and several illegal Thanksgivings said, ‘I should have voted for Biden.’
How The Gretch Stole Christmas
Because the only way to be on the ‘Nice’ list this Christmas is to mask up and avoid your loved ones at all costs.
I Keep My Kid Locked In The Apartment. So What? (An Op-Ed From 2019)
People keep telling me that these choices are going to have lasting, long-term, negative effects on my child. Come on, man. Kids are adaptable.
Georgia State University’s Exclusion Of My Helicopter Pronouns From 50 Other Choices Is An Act Of Violence
I’m not a student at Georgia State University, but I’m offended anyway.
Top 5 Worst Christmas Song Lyrics Ever
Christmastime is filled with great music, but here are five lyrics that deserve coal in the songwriter’s stocking.
6 Biggest Turkeys Of 2020 Politics
Thanksgiving is a time to look back in gratitude on all that has been good in the past year. It’s also a chance to award the bad — and politicians have given lots from which to pick.
My Open Apology To Wajahat Ali On Behalf Of All Trump Voters
I know we disappointed you. I mean, what is the point of living in a free country if there are going to be dumb people who don’t want to submit to single-party rule?
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