There are a lot of contenders looking to pack on the poundage. Remember though, it’s always wise to bet on the mama bear — especially this one.

There’s absolutely no way it was all a convoluted Rube Goldberg of an attempt to wrest power from the duly elected president, because that would be too insane even for fiction.

In 2020, there is no element of life too small or too trivial to not get outraged over. It’s time for us to be the change we want to see in the universe.

Regis set out to make people feel better about themselves, and succeeded.

Obviously the governor has never seen this video or ever eaten a plate of wings. If he had, he would know the truth about crowd-pleasing chicken wings.

HBO Max has already demonstrated the bravery of capitulation by temporarily pulling ‘Gone with the Wind.’ Now it’s time for them to permanently pull the plug on ‘Looney Tunes.’

In space, no one can hear you scream, and we can all do with a little less shrieking these days.

Ask your doctor if constant outrage is right for you. If it’s not, consider dialing it down.

In a time when following the herd is lauded as courageous, Gov. Asa Hutchinson is exhibiting actual leadership.

These lockdown activities won’t keep Virginians sane, but they will make their impending descent into madness more entertaining.

The Treasury secretary isn’t proving up to the job of actually helping America, and it’s time to replace him with proven winners.

Albert, the hero of our story, never set out to be a sentient wooden leg. He never even set out to be sentient.

Whether you want to class up your romantic evening with a special cocktail, or anguish like an emo James Comey, we have the perfect drink for you.

Getting out and shaking hands is for the little people—the millionaires—and Michael Bloomberg doesn’t have to stoop to that level.

This year, Joe Walsh dropped his primary bid against Donald Trump after garnering 1 percent of Iowa’s caucus votes.

Sure, it’s a soap opera, but maybe a soap opera about hyper-violent drug dealers is what we need today.

As the moon rises, another shirt and pair of shoes get ruined.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.

You don’t have to go to the Hallmark Channel to expand your seasonal selections.

If I couldn’t be trusted to prevent a stuffed bear from stealing my car, then how could I be trusted to stop Nicolas Cage from stealing the Constitution?