If you’re going to take over the eastern seaboard, you’ll need two things: crème eggs, and a flamethrower.
Regardless of your feelings on the Alliance of American Football, at least it doesn’t include Roger Goodell.
So you’re an escaped hologram and you have a capybara.
Even if your spirit animal is a sloth, you can still accomplish some stuff.
When you want a small cornucopia of protest non-sequiturs strung together in musical form, you want artisanal mediocrity from a human.
‘Starfire’ is wistful, even as it drives along. There is always hope, particularly as we learn to settle down and stop fighting.
If you’re going to go to a party, you might as well cause a scene.
They slid down the chimney and shimmied into a hallway. There, they found a door ajar. In it, a pair of sisters sat, one on the bed and one on the trundle.
Were August Ames merely run out of a job, we wouldn’t be talking about it—because that has become pretty commonplace. We got our sacrifice. And now it’s bigger.
We’re children of the ‘90s. We need an enemy-crushing soundtrack, and we need it to rock. Vast Asteroid has got us covered.
Yes, it’s just another battle with the commissioner, but battle is how the war is won.
In the words David Lee Roth, ‘I cannot get there from here, baby.’ Sometimes Dave got things wrong.
The ladies had their say, now it’s our turn. Sure, we could just trust Dave Chappelle on this, but he’s not detailed enough for the fairer sex.
Or why open office plans are terrible for producing thoughtful, coherent pyramid schemes involving hybrid attack animals.
The Jones Act is a stupid regulation that becomes more obviously stupid in the face of a humanitarian crisis. Waive it for Puerto Rico, then destroy it in Congress.
Relationships are about complementarity, and compliments. Joey and Rachel had both.
As 99 navigated between pieces of gym equipment, various props, and a giant box of toothpicks, he noticed the comic’s veiny biceps and bright red hair.
We aren’t still angry teens, for Pete’s sake. We can grow into adults and do adult things, such as being excited about our kids.
Imagine the outrage and slew of hurt feelings that ‘Straight Outta Compton’ would have elicited if the Internet had been around when N.W.A. was being highly problematic.
In which we find our hero apparently wandered into Mexico and must find his way back across the border. Then some other things happen.
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