With kids across the country set to return to the classroom, it’s time to talk about a potentially lethal force they might encounter at any moment: lightning.
On average, lightning strikes kill 49 people per year, and that’s just in the United States. When you look at global numbers, it jumps to roughly 2,000 annually, including children. As many as 80 percent of those who survive have lifelong problems as a result.
While we tend to think of lightning as an avoidable risk, we never know when it’s going to strike. It could be while we’re in the shower or, for kids, while they’re sitting in the classroom. For those who pooh-pooh the relative risk, noting the odds of being struck by lightning in any given year are roughly 1 in 1,222,000, please note that number is greater than zero. It is statistically a risk and together, we can defeat it.
In an ideal world, various experts and government leaders would come together to defeat lightning altogether, presumably with some sort of weather machine. Unfortunately, people only think of themselves and refuse to let the World Economic Forum take the reins for a few days so we can achieve the Great Reset, so we’re stuck tackling it on a more local level. For now.
Meanwhile, here are some steps you can take to ensure you, your family, and your friends (at least the ones who will listen) can avoid being struck with lightning or living with the long-term effects of being struck by lightning.
First and foremost — and this cannot be stressed enough — only and always wear rubber boots Yes, this includes while inside your house, even when you are sleeping. Rubber-soled shoes are likely just as effective, but it’s harder to spot shoes soled with real rubber and the last thing we want is to trust one another. As such, the only option is the most visible one.
Second, we all need to invest in lightning rods, including developing technology for mobile lightning rods that can be attached to vehicles. If you don’t have a lightning rod attached to your home or vehicle, it makes it more likely that your neighbor’s home or the car next to you will be struck. Do you want your neighbors or strangers in traffic to be struck by lightning? Of course not. We’re all in this together.
Third, we need to support funding for research on how to more effectively kill people with lightning. It would probably be tough in the United States, but there are other countries, ones with less oversight, fewer safety protocols, and a slightly wilder approach to scientific study that could carry out these vital studies. Only through an understanding of how much worse lightning could be can we come to effectively fight the lightning that exists now.
Fourth, we need a global plan to challenge Zeus, the god of the sky and he who wields thunder and lightning as weapons. There are probably a few federal agencies dedicated to this already, so just increase their funding and stature and they’ll work to quickly make themselves irrelevant.
Lastly, as long as lightning exists, we should all stay home as much as possible, avoiding friends, family, neighbors, and community as a whole. Retail and restaurant workers, delivery drivers, and anyone physically involved in fulfillment or delivery shall be excluded from this step. They are essential to our broader plans of defeating lightning and some of us are more in this together than the rest of us.
Alas, the last step will be the most difficult as people get selfish about things like human interaction, sending their kids to school, and going to doctor’s appointments.
But if we all wear our galoshes at all times, starting shortly after learning how to walk and including while swimming or jogging, we can signal to one another how committed we are to achieving Zero Lightning, especially in children. And as Helen Lovejoy was known to say on the Simpsons anytime she and her fellow citizens were facing any situation, “Won’t somebody please think of the children!”
We can. And we can start today, by ignoring logic and statistics, instead using our emotions to inform our fight against the scourge of sky fire. Together, apart, we can thwart nature, exaggerate risks, and protect our children from an invisible monster that poses basically zero risk to them. All it takes is us, irrational fears, and a bureaucrat willing to amplify them.