The song “Baby It’s Cold Outside” has certainly had its fair share of controversy in recent years. In 2018, the infamous Christmas classic made headlines when numerous radio stations moved to scrap the song after its lyrics were deemed controversial.
Although many conservatives may see this as another example of cancel culture plaguing our society, I view it as a necessary development for a more progressive civilization. Such grotesque and misogynistic rhetoric should not be tolerated, especially in supposed family-oriented music.
While the attempted canceling of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” is a step in the right direction, it didn’t go nearly far enough. There are plenty of Christmas—I mean, holiday—songs that contain themes that are completely unacceptable in 2021.
So, in order to make “the most wonderful time of the year” more inclusive and tolerant, I’ll be leaving you with a list of the most offensive Christmas songs that absolutely must go this holiday season. After all, the best way to spread Christmas cheer is to cancel what does not adhere.
1. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
On its face, “Rudolph” sounds like a nice, elegant Christmas tune that your kids will enjoy. But a further investigation into the song’s lyrics reveals just how problematic this old-time classic truly is.
Take, for instance, lines like “all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names” and “they never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games,” which blatantly glorify bullying of those who are different. What’s more, the other reindeer and Santa decide that Rudolph has some semblance of worth only after they use him as a flashlight to guide them through the wave of fog disrupting their Christmas Eve deliveries.
And who can ignore the undertones of animal abuse pervasive throughout the entire song. The idea that Santa can just brutally force these magical creatures into a life of indentured servitude is beyond repulsive and serves as one of the many reasons this song has got to go.
2. Frosty the Snowman
“Frosty” is a song that perfectly encapsulates the patriarchy that has dominated American society and Western civilization. Not only do the writers assume Frosty’s gender is male-identifying by including “he/his” pronouns in the lyrics, but they also dismiss any inclusion of snow-birthing-persons. Such sexism is emblematic of the patriarchal oppression all snow-birthing-persons face in their daily lives and professional careers.
To put the cherry on top, the writers also found it acceptable for Frosty to have “two eyes made out of coal.” The incorporation of a filthy fossil fuel demonstrates the continued ignorance of the dangers posed by the ongoing climate crisis.
3. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
In its day, this classic tune was cute. But, after the MeToo movement, it is completely unacceptable. Nowhere in the song does Santa give Mommy any consent to kiss him. Perhaps he did give it to her, but it was prior to the song’s protagonist coming downstairs to witness the smooch under the mistletoe? Until such an agreement is confirmed by both parties, however, it is within the best interest of society to give this song the boot (#SantaToo).
4. White Christmas
While the song’s protagonist may be “dreaming of a white Christmas,” I’ll be dreaming of a world where this kind of blatant white supremacy isn’t a mainstream holiday single. Not all Christmases have to be white. I just don’t know when the white-dominant society will get the picture and stop pushing this kind of blatant racism.
Some will argue that this song is actually about the wish for snow on Christmas Day. But if such a claim is true, then where is the representation for snow-of-color? I mean, haven’t the writers ever heard of yellow snow?
5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
I’m sorry, but my “troubles” are not ” out of sight,” because this song is completely lacking any form of inclusivity. The writers of this yuletide classic clearly didn’t get the memo that society is all about the holidays now, and that any holiday-themed music must incorporate other seasonal celebrations. Unless this song is updated to include commemorations like Hannukah and Kwanzaa, it should be thrown into the chimney fire to burn.
6. Little Drummer Boy
Unlike other songs on this list, the major problems of “Little Drummer Boy” aren’t found in the lyrics, but in its historical connotations. Drummer boys played a critical role during the Civil War, oftentimes marching alongside Confederate soldiers. In the middle of battle, for instance, they would use drumbeats to send orders or signals from military leaders to troops engaged in combat.
While the writing of “Little Drummer Boy” had nothing to do with the Civil War, the implications evoked by the song are simply too great to ignore. Much like the Confederate statues that pollute our parks, this song deserves to be melted down and discarded.
7. Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
Hitting grandmothers with sleighs is flat-out wrong. I can’t believe that has to be said, but apparently the song’s writers thought it was comical enough to write a Christmas jingle about. The outward contempt for grandmothers and the elderly is so potent that I’m willing to bet the writers are also anti-vaxxers who refuse to triple mask and wear face shields to protect seniors from COVID-19.
8. The Chipmunk Song (Christmas, Don’t Be Late)
Much like “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” this song flawlessly quantifies the abuse facing so many animals in America. Despite their rhythmic vocals and spot-on pitch, nothing the chipmunks ever do satisfies Dave’s ambitions for perfection. His continuous screaming at Alvin is appalling to hear and exemplifies everything wrong with the white, male-dominant society endangering the livelihoods of animals all across the country.
9. Deck the Halls
If you thought that a tune like “Deck the Halls” was free of sin, you’d be flat-out wrong. With lyrics like “[D]on we now our gay apparel,” this song is simply not acceptable in 2021. The flagrant appropriation of LGBT culture and dress wear is beyond abhorrent. How such offensive content has eluded so many for so long is a reflection of the homophobic bigotry prevalent throughout Western civilization.
10. Last Christmas
“Last Christmas” defines our corrupt, capitalist system so incredibly well. Verses like “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, [B]ut the very next day, you gave it away” are indicative of the greed and avarice harbored by America’s wealthy, upper class.
Despite the protagonist’s sincerity in giving away his/her heart, the recipient sells it to someone else almost immediately just to make a quick buck. Teaching our children these ideals through holiday songs will only further glamorize the failed and racist economic system known as capitalism, which is why this song has got to go.
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