Six 100 Percent Legal Ways To Help Your Kids Get Into Elite Colleges
No need to bribe officials or Photoshop photos of your kids playing water polo. You should encourage them to be progressive activists instead!
Which Jokes From ‘The Office’ Are Problematic?
The answer is all of them, and also none of them. It’s satire designed to poke fun at people like Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute, after all.
5 Ways To Ask For A Raise Instead Of Faking A Hate Crime
While Jussie Smollett awaits trial for a Class 4 felony charge for filing a false police report, perhaps he could take this opportunity to think of better ways to procure a raise in the future.
This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 121
The year was 1986. That’s when the early signs of a revolution emerged in the form of Cool Ranch Doritos.
10 Ways Congress Can Apply The Green New Deal To Itself
If they wish to persist in their socialistic delusions, members of Congress who believe in the Green New Deal should first apply it to themselves. Hence the following list of proposals.
World’s Greatest Living Writer Obsequiously Apologizes For His Unpublished YA Novel
My publisher sent advance pages of my book to judgmental Goodreads critics and other young-adult writers who live angrily in small apartments. An enormous scandal erupted.
This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 120
When it comes to making the perfect quiche, you’ll need a few things. An apron. A windbreaker. A gas leak. Don’t worry about the fact that the list doesn’t make sense yet. It will.
The Beto Diaries
An unpublished journal entry by Texas congressman and liberal darling Beto O’Rouke provides startling insight into the mind of the failed Senate candidate and formidable presidential contender.
Woke Progressives Turn Their Public Shaming Ritual Into A Formal Religious Ceremony
In these latter days, the greatest way to atone for the sins of uninclusivity is found inside a church known as the Cathedral of Blessed Wokery, currently meeting in a 55,000-square-foot Malibu mansion.
20 Jokes That Didn’t Stop Netflix From Giving Jimmy Carr A Show
Netflix’s new ‘The Fix’ is an utterly pointless waste of a comedian as funny as Jimmy Carr, who doesn’t give a hoot about political correctness or solving world problems.
It’s Official: Louis C.K. Must Be Stopped
While I’d never heard of Louis C.K. before yesterday and am still unclear as to who he might be, there’s no doubt that his so-called humor inflames me to the point of angina.
This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 119
‘You say it’s your birthday? It’s my birthday, too.’
This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 118
The stockings are hung, possibly with care. That’s not really my concern. They don’t even have to be hung, as not everyone has a chimney.
Church Of England’s Transgender Baptisms Blaze Trail For 3 More Blasphemous Rites
It’s time to stop marginalizing the Christians in polyamorous lifestyles, for example. We must institute ‘Holy Throupling’ to fully sanctify their love.
Why Eating Rice Is The No. 1 Cultural Appropriation Guilt Trip
If you eat rice, you should be ashamed of yourself. You are stealing from so many cultures at once that you might not even know who to apologize to.
The Greatest Living American Writer Accepts His TIME Person Of The Year Award
As The Greatest Living American Writer, I accept TIME’s Person Of The Year Award on behalf of all writers, journalists, and writers who write about journalism,
I Used To Be A Conservative, But Not Anymore
Sometimes you reach a point—usually when you have something to promote—when what you once thought no longer is what you think now.
10 Beloved Christmas Movie Characters Who Are Actually Terrible People
‘Frosty the Snowman’ is the story of a self-absorbed nitwit who kidnaps an impressionable young girl and brings her to the deadliest terrain on earth.
This Children’s Book Will Teach Your Family How To Laugh
‘Mr. Mehan’s Mildly Amusing Mythical Mammals’ may be difficult to describe, but it has what matters most: that vital spark that brings good books alive.
What We’ve Learned From 30 Years Of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’
Three decades after its debut, MST3k has legions of fans around the world, has spawned innumerable imitators and successors, and its legacy is showing no sign of slowing down.
Socialism’s Bloody History Shows Millennials Should Think Twice Before Supporting ItSocialism demands that we place blind trust in whoever continue reading >- Every Time Democrats Talk, I Want To Vote For Trump TwiceI am a highly motivated Trump voter because the Democracontinue reading >
- Ilhan Omar Doesn’t Represent American Muslims, She Represents IslamistsCriticism of Ilhan Omar’s actions is not an attack oncontinue reading >
