Neal Pollack
Neal Pollack
nealpollack

Neal Pollack, The Greatest Living American Writer, is the author of many semi-bestselling books of fiction and nonfiction. He also cohosts the podcast Extra Credit on Audible.com with his teenage son Elijah. He lives in Austin, Texas, with his family.

What Our Post-COVID World Must Look Like

We must build a society based on what I call ‘rational kindness combined with government-mandated contact tracing.’

Greatest Living American Writer: We Will Never Be Safe Until We Are Safe

If you do one thing wrong during this pandemic, you will die. But we must be steadfast and brave, and bravery means staying at home forever.

My Brilliant Nine-Phase Retractable Plan For Reopening The Nation

Restaurants will reopen, but only for one customer at a time. Shopkeepers must shoot pre-purchased goods out of a T-shirt cannon, and we can only catch them if we’re wearing gloves.

The World’s Greatest Living Pandemic Expert Takes The Podium

Did anyone listen to me? No. But they’re listening to me now. And I’ve suddenly become quite expensive.

How The Greatest Living American Writer Endures His Quarantine

I’m proud to be part of a long tradition of productive plague authors. As I gaze upon the valley below from the parapets of Mount Winchester, I am alone with my prose. And my health.

Not Even Jonathan Franzen Can Top My Concern Over Climate Change

Where I live, there’s an organization called Feed The Homeless While Not Using Any Fossil Fuels And Fighting Racism. I give them $100 a year so they don’t ring my doorbell.

Gen X Is The Best Mess Ever

Gen X grew up with parents who were always getting divorced, and siblings who were always drunk. When we came home from school, the house was empty, and so was the refrigerator.

World’s Greatest Living Writer Obsequiously Apologizes For His Unpublished YA Novel

My publisher sent advance pages of my book to judgmental Goodreads critics and other young-adult writers who live angrily in small apartments. An enormous scandal erupted.

It’s Official: Louis C.K. Must Be Stopped

While I’d never heard of Louis C.K. before yesterday and am still unclear as to who he might be, there’s no doubt that his so-called humor inflames me to the point of angina.

The Greatest Living American Writer Accepts His TIME Person Of The Year Award

As The Greatest Living American Writer, I accept TIME’s Person Of The Year Award on behalf of all writers, journalists, and writers who write about journalism,

I Used To Be A Conservative, But Not Anymore

Sometimes you reach a point—usually when you have something to promote—when what you once thought no longer is what you think now.

Act Now To Save The Free Press Before It’s Really, Truly, Desperately Too Late

Whether you cover the White House, Big Pharma, or the local water board, it’s time to hide your belongings and kiss your children. For the gulag surely awaits unless we act now.

How I Know The United States Is On The Brink Of Another Civil War

I began my work covering a civil war in Africa—or maybe it was Asia. But I never thought I’d end it (not that my career is actually ending) covering a civil war in my home country.

I’m Not Just Boycotting Nike And In-N-Out, I’m Boycotting Everything

Not only will I no longer buy Nike products, I will also no longer wear shoes, socks, or underwear.

You Can Get Everything The Intellectual Dark Web Offers Right Here For Half Price

Becoming a member of the radical fringe group the Intellectual Dark Web has allowed me to spread my ideas using controversial technologies like YouTube and podcasts and Twitter.

Now That Twitter No Longer Helps Me Gauge What’s Offensive, Here’s What I Do

Because I’m desperately, epically isolated, I find it hard to determine whether something I write is offensive to the public, whose tastes are always changing, and who are generally stupid.

Thanks To Comedy, Nobody Has Laughed Since Trump Became President

Clearly, the times have become serious. We no longer live in an age of comedy. We live in an age of essays about why the age of comedy has ended.

Roseanne’s Tweet Took Her Down, And I Am Surely Next

The story of the ‘Roseanne’ reboot and its demise is an American cultural tragedy whose historical ramifications will reverberate long after the doomsday device kills us all.

Philip Roth’s Death Is A Great Opportunity For Novelists Like Me

Of all the Great White Male Novelists who wrote novels about being great and white and male in the late twentieth century, Philip Roth was the greatest and whitest and malest.

Childish Gambino’s ‘This Is America’ Just About Gave Me A Heart Attack

A screaming horse hurtles into an oil drum, creating an explosion that engulfs us all. That, Donald Glover says, is entertainment.