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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 50

Let’s sit around the campfire and tell tales. Don’t worry about the guy in the hockey mask with the machete, he’s probably cool.

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It’s Friday the 13th, a day some consider unlucky, particularly kids at camps where the counselors aren’t paying attention. Fortunately, they can come back from their watery graves and cause a whole lot of mayhem.

Specifically, that previously drowned young man, one Jason Voorhees, would go on to do battle with a carpetbagger of a whippersnapper who was intent on having a senior dance. With only a hockey mask and a machete, he challenged a young Kevin Bacon and his Volkswagen Beetle to a battle. What Bacon didn’t realize was that Voorhees’ nickname was “The Rhythm” and he was definitely going to get him. Of course, it made Voorhees highly unpopular, and none of the other campers wanted to be friends with him because of it.


At least he didn’t drown.


There should be a “Friday the 13th” reboot, but with Juggalos.


It’s not exactly on par with being allowed to drown, but it’s close, so I’m going to say this is allowable.


Voorhees approves.


It was the allusions to water.


I’m failing to see the problem with that.


This is what really happened to Jason. His mom just blamed it on the counselors.


As long as he just has fries and not a machete, you should be fine.


It’s Friday, plus it’s Friday the 13th. Might as well let your hair down and get wild.


Suuuuuure.


It’s not the best beer, but this seems like a waste.


You know who she’s talking to, right?


She’ll be back.


You can eat ‘em, drink ‘em, use ‘em in homemade cannons when you’re trying to take out the undead.


The key to victory is confusing your enemies.


Also, keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.


Stay out of the pool. No one is paying attention.


Heyyyy, Friday the decimotercero.


The answer is obvious.


Obviously these hamsters weren’t partying at a sleepaway camp in the late ‘70s.


That’s why you stuff them.


Were they holding hands?


Paleo plus cardio. Just let a guy chase you with a machete for a little while, and you’ll be golden.


Speaking of paleo.


At least he’s paying attention to him.


The counselors were distracted and one thing led to another.


That’s how you end up with missing campers, empty pizza boxes, and random babies roaming around.


It’s because you need to turn your hearing aids up.


Not a creature who would protect you, that’s for sure.


Most don’t realize that “Friday the 13th” actually served as inspiration for this song.


They make cards for everything.


This is true.


It’s more of a really slow chase that results in falling off a cliff.


Public transportation is also bad.


More communication isn’t always the answer.


Stop using your words.


Or don’t use your words out loud, at least.


It isn’t yet. Dare to dream. Maybe consult Joel Osteen.


Also a good five-year plan.


Make your own rules for what third base is.


Another form of third base.


You’re not being waved into home, though.


Second base?


School fundraisers are a joke.


There are always activities going on.


This was the plot to “The Serpent and the Rainbow II,” I think.


Congratulations?

This is gonna take a while. She might also want to consider making him drop the machete first.


The camp counselors, as they fled the armed killer, regretted listening to her.


I prefer to just not even attempt to feed them. Sure, they may grow up wanting to exact revenge upon someone, but probably not me.


Badass?


*drops quill*


The previous rap is on this album, I think.


When you accidentally like that pic from 2013, the one from before the lake incident.


Jason’s aim was off that day.


Yes, yes I do.


If you’re gonna walk slowly away from danger, look good while you do it. It’s really the only way.


Not everyone considers today unlucky. My father, for instance and for reasons I’m not going to bother explaining, considers Friday the 13th to be his lucky day. Me, all my days are lucky. Maybe they’re all unlucky. I’m a cockeyed optimist, but I’m not what you would call a “planner,” although I do have a machete just in case. Also for hacking down vines.