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If You Take The Elevator To The Second Floor, You Don’t Deserve Legs

double elevator
Image CreditAaron / Flickr / CC BY 2.0

I went on a cruise across the Caribbean last week, and if you’ve ever been on one of those ships, you know the elevators are usually right next to wide, grand staircases that go all the way up and down the boat. You can’t miss them.

After boarding the boat from a day at port in the Dominican Republic, I hopped on the elevator to hit the buffet 10 floors up. I was back on the boat a bit early, so I was the only one in the elevator waiting for it to close. When the doors began to shut, a couple ripped them open at the last second to climb in — which was fine at first. I’m happy to be courteous, and we were all on vacation, after all. That was until the elevator stopped on the second floor to let this couple off despite the stairs being 10 feet from the elevator entrance.

I’m sorry, but at that point, why even have legs? Nothing better captures the laziness of modern Americanism than those who feel compelled to ride the elevator up or down a single floor because they can’t be bothered to find the stairs, let alone use them.

There are few reasons why any able-bodied person should ever ride the elevator up or down a single floor instead of tackling a flight of stairs, which in America is only about 12 steps. Unless a person is seriously disabled, they can take 12 steps. Unless a person is moving a big, awkward object such as furniture, they can take 12 steps. Unless a person is carrying a large load of groceries (and I mean large, three bags minimum), they can take 12 steps. There is no excuse for requiring that everybody else in a building wait for the elevator to start and stop so a lazy person can avoid the apparently Herculean task of walking 12 or, on the cruise ship, 14 inclined steps.

The couple who interrupted my hangry trip to the buffet was not disabled, not carrying anything, and not even overweight (unlike most people on the gluttony-fueled voyage). If I were king for a day, I might have had their legs chopped off. They don’t appear to be needing them.

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