This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 48

This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 48

“Hurt feelings are bound to happen. Just bliss out and fantasize a lot and wear rainbows.” So begins the song “Jonathan” by Hail Mary Mallon. As far as I can tell, it is sadly not something uttered by some soothsayer on copious amounts of drugs, but a joke created by the hip-hop duo. That’s too bad, because that person would be loads of fun on the Internet.

Since she’s not, we have to settle for Yoko Ono, although her advice is less practical, even when compared to the part about wearing rainbows. In any case, hurt feelings are bound to happen, especially if you interact with people on the Internet, so just bliss out, though maybe choose more substantial clothing because hurt feelings can also happen out in nature.

A cup of tea will relax you when you’re upset.

Why are you shrinking them instead of making footrests? The jars are for sun tea.

I think this counts as blissing out, although it may lead to hurt feelings.

Taste the rainbow, be the rainbow. People on the ground may want to watch out for the end of the rainbow.

This guy may have the copious amounts of drugs I mentioned in the intro.

This neighbor might have drugs, too.

That’s gotta hurt.

“Is that a bomb dropped by a space invader hurtling toward us from that window?”

She will knock you out of a window without breaking eye contact.

Blissing out doesn’t have to be peaceful.

Nor does it require one to be unproductive.

This hurts my feelings.

Keith follows the advice I’ve been preaching.

She also knows what’s up when it comes to blissing out.

If you can see it, you can achieve it.

He’s just living his truth. At least he’s not living it down by the river. Yet.

The golf cart would be better than a van, though.

That’s not the only word for it, but I like how you think.

Thanks, mom.

Did he say anything about rainbows?

This is how you do it.

Or this.

I hope one of my future sons-in-law does this.

Is it my kids, or are they too busy making fun of me for the same reason?

That’s one way to deal with hurt and excessive feelings.

I don’t know why she just doesn’t cheat. If you dream it, you can achieve it.

Keep on living the dream when others aren’t doing so as much anymore.

That guy at the liquor store who helped carry everything is going to get such an earful tomorrow from someone.

He’s talking about cricket, and I refuse to believe otherwise.

Too much talk about whether rainbows would fit the dress code?

Again, hurt feelings are bound to happen, but that is some bullshit.

Just take the money and don’t complain.

Bliss. Out.

Helicopter parents ruin everything.

You know what to do.

But it’s going to make the flautist and the person doing the whipping happy.

Why can’t it be both?

Well, nothing and the moon.

Are we not supposed to yell at earth?

We wore colorful clothes. Maybe that’s what the rainbows thing means.

Or squat on it and refuse to go.

When your bliss out gets harshed.

They were just trying to help you see stars.

Humpty Hump, is that you?

Don’t complain. That makes it end sooner.

Fear is their bacon bits.

Read the intro again. It’ll help you go another direction.

You re-read the intro, too.

There are limits to how much blissing out you can do.


Don’t bring him down, man, he’s doing his thing.

This would hurt. This would hurt a lot.

The Internet really does offer some great benefits.


Were you wearing a rainbow?

He is the Celine Dion of rap.

Do not bliss out. Hurt feelings are about to happen. Run!

No Kohl’s Cash?

Don’t wish that. The bars get less open with each subsequent one. It’s expensive.

They do dream a lot, so things could be worse.

That’s when the fight started.

Thank you.

Not a moment of bliss.

I know I’m a broken record, but hurt feelings are bound to happen. Especially when you have kids and a television.

Low expectations are the key to everything. Then you can, well I won’t say it again.

When you set high expectations accidentally, then the result is hurt feelings.

But they do sound blissful.

As does this.

Peace out, and don’t forget what I’ve told you. If you follow my advice, you are guaranteed to live a life of resplendent bliss and peace and peaceful resplendent bliss. You may not live forever, but, then again, you may.

Then again.

Richard Cromwell is a senior contributor to The Federalist. Follow him on Twitter, @rcromwell4.
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