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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 67

Don’t mind this, it’s just my business shiv.


Once again, we’ve reached that magical time of the year. Summer is beginning to relax the death grip she’s held on us so we might prepare for an icier one. Sure, the temperatures won’t fall just yet, but the pumpkin spice and warm fall colors and the return of treacherous fiends reminds us that fall is upon us.

Many discuss the changing of the leaves and the cornucopias, yet miss the other tradition that goes along with this change from summer to fall. That’s right, it’s getting to be murder season. Soon movies and made-for-TV movies and television will be replete, well more replete than normal, with thrillers designed to set us on edge. We haven’t yet started planning for Christmas. Give it time, for soon we will.

Okay then.

Never settle, even if it’s the moment of your demise.

Conversely, the best offense is a good defense.

This is very sound advice.

Look, she wore it better.

Ah, yes, the old hat trick.

“Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!”

I like the way she thinks. ‘Tis the season, after all.

For when you don’t want to give the personal touch afforded by a katana.

Other times, only the personal touch will do.

Which is why you should forge ahead with it. Do one thing every day that scares you or whatever.

Good, good. They’re much less likely to find you this way.

I think he’s describing a scene from “Se7en.”

So, like all of them?

Coming soon to SyFY.

Now’s your chance. Break out in a musical number!

He might have the shine.

Having three daughters makes me think she’s not joking here.

You want to look your best, no matter what happens.

This movie ultimately ended up being part of the Criterion Collection. “Dazed and Confused,” maybe?

Plus being against the tree is a better defensive position from a strategic standpoint.

On the other hand, you probably wouldn’t experience this if you were sleeping on a park bench.

So, like all of them?

But do you sleep on a park bench?

It’s when they stop wanting this that you have to worry. Don’t fear the reaper; fear indifference.

Who knows what sort of demon he’s summoning. I suggest we back away quickly.

What rhymes with stabbing?

Time to turn that rhyme into a home.

Plus the buyers are gonna put their own spin on it anyway.

It also deters would-be home invaders because it appears so daunting a challenge.

Maybe the best defense is a good offense.

For real. What’s up with that?

This guy fetched a really high price, but he also possessed dark magic.

And he was right.

But the sound has such a full body.

Sounds relaxing.

So, like all of them?

Just go with it. It’s part of the rich tapestry that unifies us as people.

In fairness, it is the car with the exact sort of storage you need for disposing of evidence.

If you’re going to have to clean up a giant mess and bust out the stain stick, it’s best to be.

On aisle three, where they keep the bleach and stain sticks.

You know what, Miss Ninja, just take them both out.

Could’ve been throwing stars, but at least it wasn’t glitter.

And they say romance is dead.

The thing is though, for all the hype that the entertainment industry throws up, the truth is somewhere else.

This approach is much subtler, but equally deadly. Beware of the buzzing, beware.

Now get out there and enjoy all that life has to offer, from Uggs to infinity scarves to the knives hidden beneath. For as long as you can hear requests for the aforementioned pumpkin spice and trips to go look at foliage, you have nothing to worry about. Remember, though, things always get oh so quiet before they get incredibly loud, vengeful, and sharp. Beware the silence.