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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 52

By: Rich Cromwell
8 min read

Man overboard! The pirate party continues with weird Twitter’s unbirthday.

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Rich Cromwell
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When you throw a party in international waters, things are going to happen. Namely, you might lose a few of your shipmates, particularly if you’re dealing with scurvy and navigating the clouds, or in this case, the cloud

Never fear, though, for I am not one to leave people lost at sea, at least not so long as I can find them. And find them I did, thanks to some flares and the bird’s nest. I also picked up a couple of people who had gotten lost after their plane went down, but I didn’t pick up any smoke monsters. Now they’re here, still ready to party, gamble, and maybe go out with a bang.

Well-played, little man. I’m ducking impressed.

Not the best rap battle ever.


On second thought, maybe this rap battle is about to get interesting.


Don’t get hasty. I found you.

This is why we have a cruise physician/pharmacist.


I probably need a first mate. Given our mission, I think she’ll do, though she might lurk around the break room too much.

We’re going hunger games in the castle ‘cause we’re savages in the castle.


Anything goes on the high seas.


Of course, the voyage includes entertainment.


And a theme song.


The theatre troupe may have spent too much time with Dr. Gonzo.


While stopping rodents, this cat is threatening to ruin our good time.


“You shouldn’t have pushed that cake, either.”


We also have a gift shop on board. Make sure to check it out.


And we have decorations.


The decorations, while entertaining, also sometimes cause some bodies to be tossed overboard.


The divorcees come prepared.


There’s always one who broods no matter how lively the festivities.


I wasn’t as keen about adding this feature, but it is good for romantic entanglements.


Has anyone checked the fireplace?


I’m not really sure why I hired sirens to be the onboard entertainment, but no one leaves, so maybe it was a brilliant move.


Thanks! I worked really hard on it.


I said I worked really hard on the décor.


Hey, man, this isn’t a ferry!


On this boat, it’s yours. Always and forever. Or at least ‘til you need a refill.


There’s a reason it’s called the poop deck.


Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s not get hasty on the goat.


Excessive lighting is forbidden here. Please report the offender to Officer Ruffs.


Excessive lighting, not all lighting. Don’t go nuts.


We can make that happen. Something by Taylor Swift or nah?


Stop distracting the guards. Our pirates have been drinking rum and may be a little slow if we’re attacked.


One flaw of being out on the high seas is connectivity. Or maybe it’s a feature.


And when we wake up in the morning.


Another activity for us to enjoy!


Maybe a stowaway. Proceed with caution.


Out here, she might be the one with a pistol.


Why is everyone so sleepy? Oh…


We’re in outlaw territory. We can test this assertion. Where’s the ship’s doctor?


What did I say about evidence and who made yearbooks?


And who brought their kids? Just kidding. This is a family-friendly floating den of lawless iniquity and debauchery.


When we wake up, we won’t wake with our children, but this. It’s kind of terrifying, but oh so much more effective than an alarm clock.


It has become customary for people not to celebrate their birthdays, but their birthday weeks. I guess I’ve now given into that trend myself, albeit for good reason—the aforementioned fight with a cloud. But I showed it. I showed it, indeed.

Richard Cromwell is a writer and senior contributor at The Federalist. He lives in Northwest Arkansas with his wife, three daughters, and two crazy dogs. Co-host of the podcast Coffee & Cochon, you can find him on Facebook and Twitter, though you should probably avoid using social media.

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