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Will Ted Cruz Name Applejack As His Running Mate?

Not only would My Little Pony’s Applejack be the first ‘vice pony,’ she would also be the first female in American history to occupy the vice presidency.


Is Ted Cruz sweetening his presidential pot with a pony? recently reported that the Texas senator turned presidential candidate has endorsed none other than My Little Pony’s Applejack of Equestria as his favorite pony.

“I’ve just jumped from a hay bale to the upper rung of a bleacher seat — it’s the only way I can see Cruz, surrounded by fans, cameras and boom mics. Now I’m looking down, and the Texan with slicked-back hair, a rugged outdoorsman’s jacket and hiking shoes is talking about ponies.” writes reporter Nick Fouriezos. ‘“What’s your favorite My Little Pony?’ Cruz asks his tiny supporter, a little girl who is wearing a Rainbow Dash beanie. ‘Twilight,’ she says. ‘I have two daughters, and they love Twilight,’ Cruz says, before adding, with a grin: ‘My favorite, though, is Applejack. I just think she’s funny.’”

Whether this means we will soon see a VP announcement with Applejack as Cruz’s running mate or not is still up in the air. However, I had the pleasure of sitting down and discussing the topic over tea with My Little Pony experts, six-year-old Suzi Rice, Veterinarian Barbie, and a Bratz doll, who all agree Applejack would be a good pick for the senator.

Applejack and Cruz share the same down-home values of work ethic, patriotism, honesty, and equal opportunity for everypony. Unlike the clean-cut world of politics, Applejack is often hailed for her willingness to work in the dirt, as she is often seen harvesting apples at her family-owned orchard, endearing herself to working-class Americans. Her undeniable ability to unite and lead was exhibited during her “Raise This Barn” campaign, which likely caught Cruz’s eye, and will assuredly be a major asset to the second-place Republican runner.

Applejack will also bring in the much-sought-after 21-year-old male college student demographic (a.k.a. “Brony”), the bulk of which has hitherto eluded Cruz in favor of the socialist Bernie Sanders, who is rumored to be considering a nod to either Grammi Gummi or Dastardly from Wacky Races.

Not only would Applejack be the first “vice-pony,” she would also be the first female in American history to do so. This may do a lot to sway not just the bronies, but also the pegasister demographic as well. The long untapped, and unnecessarily large “Brony” vote may serve to boost Cruz’s numbers against Trump, who has yet to endorse any cartoon characters, save Kim Kardashian and himself. As he did with John McCain, Trump will likely bring up the fact that Applejack is no hero, as she was at one point captured by communists.

While Applejack has a demeanor and ethic voters love, some on the Right may feel she is too reminiscent of a previous VP pick, Sarah Palin. The similarities between Palin and Applejack are numerous, including the gung-ho country attitude, go-get-‘em approach to problem solving, and the fact that they are both fictional characters. Many may think a “Palin Part Deux” would work out for Cruz as well as it did for McCain, and they would be right to do so. However, Applejack may separate herself from Palin on the grounds that she is a talking horse.

Undoubtedly, Applejack is a solid pick for Cruz, although some would rather he tapped more experienced leaders such as Princess Twilight Sparkle, or Dot Matrix from ReBoot.