Hannah Brown is the worst kind of girl, and she reminded Bachelor Nation of that fact over and over Monday night during the season 24 premiere of “The Bachelor.” Just when you thought first-impression-rose recipient and southern-belle model Hannah Ann Sluss had earned that honor with her next-level pettiness, Alabama Hannah Brown swooped in to remind viewers that, nope, she’s still the worst.
Hannah Brown’s rise to mirror-ball status as the most recent champion of “Dancing with the Stars” was astonishing. Given the audience voting component of DWTS victory, it seems most viewers didn’t find her nearly as insufferable as I do. But for those who just couldn’t get enough of her on Colton Underwood’s season of “The Bachelor” or the last season of “The Bachelorette” or “Bachelor in Paradise” or “Dancing with the Stars,” Hannah returned again to network television — “The beast is back, b-tches,” as she announced — this time demonstrating just how awful feminist icons can be for other women.
During Hannah’s tenure as the bachelorette, producers and media painted the pageant queen as the feminist dream: so sharp, so bold, so empowered. That feminist fantasy blossomed into a marketing goldmine complete with unfettered sexual intimacy — four times in a windmill, in case you hadn’t heard — the silencing of misogynistic Luke P. with the iconic “Jesus still loves me” declaration, the breaking off of an engagement from an obviously questionable man-child, and later, the unmatched and “humbling” journey through the elitist paradise of Hollywood-studded, choreographed personal expression.
But Hannah’s grand entrance into “Pilot Pete” Weber’s season of “The Bachelor” reminds us of the bitter aftertastes of no-holds-barred feminism. To say nothing of the premiere’s awkward, forced, and inappropriate group date escapade involving Hannah and none other than the defiled windmill, the Hannah-promulgated “follow your heart” and “live in the moment” mantras of so-called empowered women came full circle with tangible consequences, this time not only for Hannah and Peter, but for the other 30 women stiffed by Hannah’s inconsideration and utter lack of inhibition. Thanks to a conflicted invitation from Peter, Hannah may be moving into “The Bachelor” mansion — again — to vie for Peter’s affection.
After spending an amorous night with Peter in the Fantasy Suite at the end of her season of “The Bachelorette,” Hannah sent him home in favor of two other men, Jed Wyatt and Tyler Cameron.
“I broke everybody’s heart and my own through this experience,” Hannah said of her own season, before blaming Peter for her decision to date runner-up Tyler instead of Peter after breaking off her engagement to “winner” Jed. She apparently didn’t learn her lesson, however, gearing up once again to confuse Peter at best, and bulldoze his emotional stability and other relationships at worst. A feminist mindset of instant gratification will do that.
Hannah Brown is free to make all the bad choices she wants, but a truly empowered woman would own the outcomes, recognizing that sometimes regret is warranted and final. Hannah and other empowered women need to learn they can’t just click a reset button or “be bold” and get everything they want.
Hannah Brown has made her bed, and now she should have to sleep in it. Actually sleep. Without Peter.