This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 96

This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 96

Reid crept around his house wearing nothing but a giant foam Viking hat. Having been foiled for the previous six years by the Easter Meerkat, he knew this year was going to be his year, the time when he finally captured the small carnivore.

He munched chocolate goldfish while laying his traps, which also included chocolate goldfish. For design help, he’d studied the work of Wile E. Coyote and other Loony Tunes visionaries. His sister Sofia wasn’t impressed, though she did get trapped twice when she tripped the traps while going for the snacks. Wile E. and his compatriots weren’t totally inept, it seemed.

Reid went to bed, clutching Sofia’s butterfly net, as he planned to use it to capture the meerkat. As he waited, he began to drift off, visions of eggs and treats dancing through his head.

Before he crashed, he heard a loud crash and leaped from his bed. Stumbling into the living room, net in hand, he found not the Easter Meerkat, but Olivia, the babysitter. It seems she had decided to pop open a bottle of his mom and dad’s cheap champagne and the cork had ricocheted around the room, causing the ruckus.

It was then that he noticed that one of his traps was sprung. He nervously tiptoed toward it, flush with anticipation. He wasn’t prepared for what happened next.


From there, the situation escalated.


But it was cool, because Reid had a plan. Well, we already established that, but it’s layered.


And that plan involved calling in reinforcements.


It also included some danger.


A plan with a civic focus in mind.


Then Reid paused and asked himself a question about the capturing stick he was wielding.


But then he remembered something. He had a moment of doubt.


That’s when things got serious.


Really serious.


That’s when Sofia had a revelation of her own.


The National Guard had no choice.


Fortunately, the little ones soon settled and resumed their mission.


Reid decided to don more comfortable footwear as he prepared for the task at hand.


Sofia was excited about her kicks, too.


Meanwhile Olivia, while not having children of her own, had a strong sense of duty towards the ones she was watching. I mean, despite cracking the cheap champagne.


She was dressed for a victory, after all.


Back to the Easter Meerkat. If there’s one thing that’s helpful in catching a … woodland creature? Where do meerkats live? No matter.


The scene wasn’t really dependent on scenery.


Though proper attire was still required. Fortunately, everyone was dressed for success.


Sofia was down.


Plus she was prepared.


Reid was just confused. What did all this have to do with the Easter Meerkat?


And where the hell was the bunny?


That’s when Olivia, who maybe wasn’t the greatest babysitter, got an idea.


Reid, meanwhile, hadn’t forgotten what he was after.


He had trained diligently.


Capturing the Easter Meerkat wasn’t his only goal.


He hadn’t forgotten his refreshments.


And everyone was playing it cool. Maybe.


They were relaxed.


On top of their game.


So far as we know.


It had reached that point in the evening. The young ‘uns were a tad confused.


Meanwhile, their parents had gotten home and slipped in the back door.


Olivia’s chariot arrived, ready to take her home.


She promptly started another battle.


She’d been holding something in.


Okay, maybe she’d been holding a lot of things in.


She did have a trump card.


And her battle paint.


No, this is all 100 percent accurate.


When I say the Easter Meerkat was probably captured, he was. Probably.


It was then that the siblings noticed that time had passed and dawn had broken.


They had a lot to explain.


And they may have been a little confused. Staying up all night will do that to you.


Plus, there was still the matter of the Easter Meerkat. Reid and Sofia prepared themselves.


The kids traipsed about the house, sure that their quest was not to come to fruition. Then they noticed the last trap was sprung and bouncing about on the floor. Slowly they approached it and lifted it up. They were not truly prepared for what would greet them.

For while they’d taken in the myths about the Easter Meerkat to heart, they never truly believed. Then, they captured the creature.

They lifted the box up, expecting wonder. They found it, kind of, for the carnivore was armed with treats. But they had really expected more, like some Cadbury Eggs. Instead they stood in silence, surveilling the scene, ready to use giant toy tubs as Easter baskets. It was then that they noticed the Peeps.

Richard Cromwell is a senior contributor to The Federalist. Follow him on Twitter, @rcromwell4.
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