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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 91

When your honor is insulted, you must demand satisfaction.


It was a seedy resort, the kind of place where guacamole cost extra and extra guacamole cost even more. Plus, there was a preponderance of dueling.

He never expected to find himself in such a situation. His life had been filled with respite and cheap beer, shenanigans, and high tea at noon. He was not cut out for a duel.

Sometimes, though, when one’s honor is insulted, there is but one recourse and that recourse is to demand satisfaction. Such was Peter’s fate. For when the man across the bar uses your mug for a game of avocado pit basketball, you have no choice but to challenge him to pistols at dawn.

As the sun broke across the horizon, Peter nervously stepped out and stared down his opponent. Germaine had been quite successful at draining a three-pointer from across the bar with his pit. Would his skill with his weapon match his skill with the ball?

The two men glared at one another and placed their hands on their weapons. Peter prepared to draw and fire; Germaine took a jauntier approach. It was a mistake that would seal his fate.

As Peter fired, he heard yelling in the distance. At first he thought it cheers of support, but then he noticed the tone was rather mocking.

The butterfly wasn’t having it, though.

Germaine’s ride was perplexed at the turn of events, but motivated by the woman who dissed the butterfly. She went looking for answers the only place she could.

Peter, on the other hand, was feeling pretty triumphant and announced it to the world.

He wondered, perhaps, if he’d gone too far. Then he realized he’d just gone not too far enough.

Besides, his quest was not complete and logic wasn’t going to get him anywhere.

It was then that he thought back on his childhood and realized he should probably do something with the body.

Little did she realize how the volatility of the town in which her caper was to take place, plus that morning’s events, would affect her caper.

Nor did she realize the type of person she’d encounter once she went to pull off her heist. She threw a cat at him, but he was unfazed.

Her accomplice, meanwhile, was staying focused, if making things up as she went along.

Gretchen sat nursing a drink, pondering if today was her day.

A voice whispered, “Do it. Do it now. This is the moment in which to make a citizen’s arrest.”

She knew if something went wrong, there would be people around to help. People with supplies.

Gretchen decided to go for it, to make a citizen’s arrest. First, she got hit with a cat. Then she got hit with another cat. Then, one more. Then someone sprayed perfume in her wounds. She looked around, trying to find relief.

Fortunately, the duo was losing their resolve.

Peter, feeling pretty good after his duel, was maybe not paying as much attention to the road as he should have as he headed to the cantina.

Amidst the chaos and carnage of the cats, perfume, and heist, a patron stumbled out unnoticed and distracted an officer attempting to investigate the kerfuffle.

While another patron decided to seize the day.

Just then, Peter strode into the bar, surveyed the goings on, and prepared to call for détente. Before he could speak, a woman attempting to enjoy a nice drink stood up.

The crowd settled, except for Jeff who was hanging from a ceiling fan and drinking a beer.

Erica was not pleased with this turn of events.

Meanwhile, Bob resolved to get the fight going again.

While Candy made a dramatic entrance.

Tony, who stumbled into the scene, decided his original idea was no longer worth his time and sat down at the bar.

Just outside the cantina, though, lurked a troop. Fortunately they were distracted with trying to steal a car. It had already been run into, so they thought it would be easy. They were wrong.

Others, meanwhile, were helping themselves in preparation for any situation which might arise later.

Anna nods, taking a sip off a tiny bottle of Bailey’s.

Next door, a commotion arose. Anna finished her Bailey’s and headed out the door to check it out.

She was delayed on the way as she stopped to help a ninja struggling to get up and join in the fracas.

Back inside the cantina, “Caribbean Queen” drifted out of the speakers.

One woman, initially hoping to move into this rowdy resort town, began to question this desire.

One guy asked the question we’ve all been wondering about.

His brother, on the other hand, is keeping it real.

Outside the cantina, a woman handed out treats to help heal the wounds from the battle. Except…

Little did they know where those cookies would lead.

On the other side of the door, a man cracked his knuckles as people checked to see what he was handing out.

Back inside, Peter noticed a woman sitting at the bar, dressed in nothing but a bikini. He stepped to her.

He was quickly rebuffed.

Peter persisted. Eventually his charm and skill at dueling prevailed, and he learned that he was sitting next to a beach volleyball champion, hence the upper body strength necessary for shoveling him into a wood chipper. He was not destined for that just yet, though. First, he was to take a leisurely stroll with this woman and her pet weasel, Rodrigo.

The pair stepped out of the bar and walked past Peter’s car, which was sporting a boot at that point. He still had to answer for Germaine’s death, but usually the town overlooked casualties from dueling, so he wasn’t overly concerned. For the time being, all that was required was that he enjoy the calm the town was offering, if only for a moment.

They came upon a swimming pool; the gate was unlocked. The volleyball player looked at Peter and asked a simple question. “Cannonball?” He jumped, tucking his legs to his chest and waiting for the splash. The lady smiled while the weasel kinda just sat there. It’s what they do.

Meanwhile, across town, a soupcon of bourbon was poured in honor of my arrival. I just had to finish my tale first.