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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 89

No, we shall not be footloose and fancy free.

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It wasn’t the most insidious dance craze to ever sweep the nation. Therein lay the problem. True danger is either much more cloaked or much more visible, depending on the situation. It’s usually not just there, being kind of innocuous.

Not that any of this mattered to our instigator. No, she was quite comfortable with hiding right out in the open, calling out the next step. Much like the Pied Piper, except not at all. This Piper, as it were, was to lead all the Komodo dragons out of Bismarck, North Dakota. Maybe it was all the Zydeco bands out of Louisiana. Either way, that detail doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that our piper was employing a classic pincer movement and attacking the opposition from both sides of its rear flank. And when greeted on either side by a wall, there is no escape. It’s best to just give in.


It’s all in how you take it. Maybe it’s a positive step.


You do the Wall.


Maybe it was actually an intricate series of steps.


There’s a way to stop this, but we have to move just right.


Even if she picks you up on your way to disseminate insidious dance moves, she could be part of the front guard.


She could also confuse you as to the purpose of the mission if she chooses an unconventional conveyance.


Before embarking on her mission, our protagonist prepared, physically and mentally.


Then she awoke and began disseminating her nefarious dance.


Those who refused to dance tasted fate.


For there was but one choice, to give in.


Don’t oversell it. In order to succeed, quiet acquiescence is a must.


When attempting to dominate the world via dance, there will be objections.


That’s why you push back twice as hard. You’re delivering change, damn it.


And maybe you’re also delivering some unexpected moments.


Radioactive unexpected moments. Ones that give you superhuman strength and skill.


Maybe some expected moments, too.


When all seems lost, we look up and raise our fist toward the sky. We shall deliver a dance. We have reinforcements.


And no one will ever see our reinforcements coming, except, perhaps…


For before we send in the troops, there is a crucial piece of information we need.


And we shall retrieve it in the most stylish manner possible. The dance demands it.


There is also the fact that what this fever needs is more cowbell.


Until you touch your feet to the ground, you shall not dance.


His wife shook her head, for she knew that he had not been listening to the right song, nor moving in the correct way.


Her phone rang and her friend said she had a job for her, but it was just a request for some medicine for her husband’s cold. She was disappointed.


“Why yes, I can help you shake it off.”


Singing it instead of saying it also helps. Plus you might get someone to dance.


And thus she tricked him into dancing with her.


And then he realized what was really afoot.


That’s when she exclaimed,


That’s when Steve saw it was his time to shine.


There’s no dancing involved and it doesn’t further the cause.


They deserve it, to be honest.


I’m just doing my part.


Are you gonna help spread the Wall or not?


For example, sowing chaos by making forest animals question reality.


Potential? That’s like awarding someone the Nobel for attempted physics, but it does raise awareness.


She could have been a contender when it came to spreading insidious grooves, but she wasted her potential.


But it is motivational and, thanks to that, this guy is becoming our best spokesman.


Also motivational.


Zombies can do the Wall.


High five?


There are some zombies raising their hands. They may even ask you to dance.


If you dream it, you can create it.


The squirrel scampers at midnight.


As she closed in on her final house, her plans began to take fruition. Soon, the entire nation would be doing the Wall. She extended her hand and pressed the button to the left of the door.


After the door opened, she made her pitch. She quickly realized that she’d found an ally hiding in Superman’s Kansas.


As dance crazes go, it wasn’t the most insidious, but it was insidious enough. Before long, it had ear-wormed its way into the minds of 98 percent of average Americans and a full 7 percent of hermits and people living off the grid. Soon everyone was dancing, which in and of itself wasn’t so bad.

What was a bit bad was that more and more people felt compelled to commune with nature in bizarre and unexpected ways. Even though it was called “The Wall,” that was the real meaning behind the lyrics, the hidden message pulsating through speakers and earbuds. It drove the populace to nature’s pet shop.

Before anyone realized what had happened, we were all pestering squirrels, badgering woodchucks, and chucking badgers. And we didn’t stop there. No, we forged ahead, blazing new paths as we leashed our hopes to our bizarre friends and demanded they lead us on exciting new adventures through light and sound. Mostly they were confused, but it was generally adorable. Just don’t ask about the Komodo dragon incident.