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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 86

The music plays, your palms getting sweatier as the number dwindles lower with each seating. The music stops and you scramble, seeking out the nearest seat.


The music plays, your palms getting sweatier as the number still standing dwindles lower and lower with each seating. The music stops and you scramble, seeking out the nearest seat.

There’s another vying for the same spot, but you are relentless, throwing an elbow and diving for the throne you shall temporarily claim as your own. Your vanquished foe slinks away, dejected and defeated.
Your jubilation is not to continue, though. For the music again begins to play and everyone stands, circling the chairs, knowing that again there is one more body than there is seat. As the tune abruptly stops, you again prevail, leaving but two of you standing.

Song fills the air. You circle quickly around the back, then slow as you stroll in front, eyes locked on your opponent. You’re enveloped by tense silence and you attempt to sit, but it’s not to be. No, today you shall remain standing, perhaps tall, but that doesn’t matter because the winner is sitting taller.

You just got served and there’s nothing you can do about it, except maybe wax philosophic.

Yeah, but where do you sit in your house?

Maybe make the walls from stronger glass.

As the Kool-Aid man says, “Ohhhh, yeahhhh!”

There’s a Fleetwood Mac song about this. “Go Your Own Way,” maybe?

This is also an effective way to blow off steam after losing at musical chairs.

Maybe she was trying for the world’s strongest grandmother.

On the plus side, no more minivan.

So that’s why she left.

If this happens, you may find yourself in the market for a new vehicle and a new stylist.

Tiger parenting gets a bad rap, but it’s the only way to make sure your little loved ones are remembered throughout history.

What do they require in sacrifice, though?

She also believes in goats.

At first I was skeptical, but I tried it and I’m sold. Granted I only tried it accidentally and because I was lunging for the last empty chair, but still.

How about you dare me to note that?

This is also going to be noted.

Definitely going in the permanent record.

When you don’t keep good records, this happens.

Surely this didn’t come without warning.

When only the most detailed and thoroughly annotated records will do.

Things could be worse. You could have a pet goose.

Savor the fact that you also don’t have Tom Honks.

About not having nice things.


Please phrase this in the form of an acronym.

The most mythical creature known to the mall.

When you’re heading into the ring, you have to wear the proper equipment.

This doesn’t even rhyme.

You know what would go perfectly with this? A complete absence of chairs.

Make sure you have six stout pallbearers. They all get chairs when they’re done. It would be wrong to make them fight to organ music.

Not me, that’s for sure. No competition for a place to sit plus it probably keeps people from lurking around while I’m trying to work.

It has the most legroom of any of them.

“Thank you for inviting me over to enjoy some ‘fun and games.’”

The note then continued.

On the other hand, if you actually want to send something they’ll appreciate, there’s this.

That’s what happens when you enjoy a few games of musical chairs.

Then allow me to teach you a little game.

This is no time for horseplay. Unicycles mean business.

Worst family dog ever, though he did assist the midwife.

Before family pets and midwives, though, you have to start here.

But can you walk in a circle while music plays?

And that’s when Cerberus sneaked up behind him.

They really warm the grave up.

Thither into that big hole in the ground?

He’s definitely getting a go thither look.

Once you have that time, you use it to claim the last chair.

The music picks back up. Although a battle was lost, there is still the war. During the last encounter, your opening salvo was brilliant, but you faltered at the end. This time, as you circle the chairs, you know that you were raised for this. As poet warlord Sun Tzu said, “Move swift as the Wind and closely-formed as the Wood. Attack like the Fire and be still as the Mountain.”