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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 55

I’m goin’ coconuts but least I’m going my way. I’ll probably be here when the sun goes down.


Summer is officially here. I celebrated by getting a new air conditioner, although I didn’t have much choice in the matter. Consequently, I’m also now on the market—the black market. At least, my organs are. Because if there’s one thing we can agree on with regard to HVAC systems, they’re really expensive.

Some don’t appreciate the cool awesomeness of sweet air, that most conditioned of airs. Either they’re tougher than I am or they live outside of the damp humidity swamp that is the country south of the Mason Dixon. I could go on, but I’m feeling refreshed with the throaty hum of the new unit and its concomitant blasts of icy refreshment and will let it go for now. Come to think of it, maybe Elsa was letting it go because she discovered she was a walking air conditioner.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, or maybe it just prepares us for the other side.

Maybe it was just the heat.

The joke’s on you because I just combusted.

Especially when it’s hot and you don’t want to move.

Way to chicken out on being a pioneer.

But what if it’s a seal named The Rhythm?

Mostly because he had no rhythm.

It’s especially great during the summer when you want to just lie back and chill.

Does she wear a hammock or what?

It kind of opens you up for attack, though.

It was such a romantic series.

Maybe it was a vampire.

Is he interviewing to be an HVAC technician? Because if he is this response has more validity.

At least it doesn’t commit arson. Yet.

Give her a break, she’s hot and flustered.

Also point out that you’re wearing your party planning glasses.

Guess what glasses she’s wearing?

The basement is where the Dark Lord keeps her washer and dryer.


It’s an evil garment and you should run screaming.

You have to. It’s what the doctor ordered.

She also suggested this as a new form of juice cleansing, though, so maybe you shouldn’t trust her.

Fashion favors the bold and those willing to make their own rules.

I like where she’s going with this.

They watch Gremlin Lifeguard together.

Though maybe there’s a surprising twist at the end.

Man, there are animals everywhere. You just have to catch them.


They’re really everywhere. You have to learn to establish dominance.

To master them, you must think like them.

Otherwise, they master you.

These guys knew what was up.

Also replicants who release doves in the rain.

Another grim aspect of the future.

It’s a perfectly cromulent word.

As is this one.

These are my favorite stories.

They don’t call it stripper flakes for no reason.

Keep your kids productive this summer. It’s tradition.

You have to support them in their endeavors to make it effective, though.

Kids should probably take this to heart, too.

All the reason anyone needs.

Well, also the complexity and depth.

Then he twirled his mustache and took off on his penny farthing.

After which, this happened.

Don’t ask why, it’s the season.

Thankfully, it’s not without its charms.

But back to drinking, because it’s hot and it’s summer and it’s time to relax.

Although the air is chilly and sweet indoors, we still must walk from here to there, and that gives us opportunity to, as David Lee Roth would say, go crazy from the heat. Embrace it, bask in it, radiate it back out from you. Let them see us smiling ‘cause it’s easy to tell.