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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 47

Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. And Zeus. He really should get more blame.


Today is Earth Day, a day dedicated to environmentalism, conservation, and extreme composting. It’s also a day when the level five vegans remind us they only eat food that doesn’t cast a shadow. Incidentally, if you are ever looking for some fun, try telling people organizing a business luncheon that you’re a level five vegan who only eats food that doesn’t cast a shadow. They’ll give you grief once they figure it out and pick on you later, but it’s totally worth it.

It’s also a day to think of all we could accomplish if we stopped treating “Jurassic Park” as fiction and instead started treating it like a game plan. Until we get serious about reinstalling huge apex predators on our lands and in our seas, it’s all just pillow talk, baby.

It’s about the future. Won’t someone think of the children?

We could probably genetically engineer these, too.

They evolved from dinosaurs, although in their case it’s more that they devolved.

Leave the dinosaur clones alone, though.

Why didn’t Jurassic Park include weapons in its assortment?

This is why recycling is a scam. We can’t fight dinosaurs or ships if we don’t save our bottles.

Even the dinosaurs?

Not just people.

If you really care about the earth, you’ll do this.

They play nice with the shapeshifting beds.

Almost as cool as a velociraptor. You’re halfway there.

Is Jon Bon Jovi in there?

Speaking of, we should bring back CFCs. The ozone layer has gotten too strong and is starting to threaten us.

See? That’s the ozone layer.

Or maybe not.

She should’ve tried a car with a trunk.

This would also be an option.

Maybe it’s the blow torch?

This would render the fire useless, so it’s not totally horrible.

I’m starting to think chicks really dig fire.

No blow torch, so we’re good. I only do this to people who refuse to leave the left lane.

Straight outta car line, crazy good momma named Bossy Bootz!

His mom never played NWA for him.

This is hard to argue with, although that car isn’t what we’d call “green.” That he probably has or can score some green isn’t the same.

Not as cool as Firebird guy.

And when Firebird guy gets old, this happens.

Give your kids a break. Maybe they were celebrating Earth Day.

Or tell them you were getting in touch with the prevalent ethos of the days when Earth Day was new.

You have to live your truth.

Crunchier than peanut butter wearing patchouli.

For real?

Remember what I said about extreme composting?

Especially one that gets eaten by a megalodon.

Evolution in action.

The intelligent design version of the booze argument.

Shouldn’t there be booze?

This is what happens when there’s no booze.

And this.

Of course, this can only happen when there is booze.

That’s why they brew really strong ales.

Is it wet with wine?

Talk about an awkward silence.

A really awkward silence.

A really, really awkward silence.

A really, really, really awkward silence.

Awkward silence would have been better than all the yelling.

It’s organic. Wear it with pride, for you’re doing your part.

Life was good.

One of these guys was actually entertaining.

Thanks for taking the blame, man.

The only problem is she’s still got that blow torch.

Mine too.

Now get out there and give it your all. Go for the gusto, plant some things, be all you can be. Or be like me, the guy throwing beer bottles at squirrels and telling them to plant more trees. It’s for the kids.