Sandra Bullock is reportedly in talks to head an all-female reboot of Ocean’s 11.
Well, not really a reboot of Ocean’s 11 – which was honestly not a very good movie despite the presence of The Rat Pack – but rather a reboot of the George Clooney-Brad Pitt remake which Steven Soderbergh gave us back in 2001, and which remains to this day Clooney’s second biggest grossing film (his first is actually Bullock-led – Gravity).
The promise of a fun caper movie with women in the roles of the men from Ocean’s 11 could be great – assuming John Mulaney is wrong about how it would actually play out.
But is the oh-so-serious Sandra Bullock really the right person to helm it? Does she really give you the most interesting dynamic on and off screen? Assuming the same general plot dynamics and character positioning is the same, I think we can do better.
Cue the Dean Martin:
The Malloy boys, the Mormon twins played by Casey Affleck and Scott Caan: Aubrey Plaza and Emma Stone.
Livingston Dell, the nerd – is obviously an opportunity for Melissa McCarthy to play against type.
The Amazing Yen – C’mon, it’s cliche, but no ensemble piece is complete here without Lucy Liu.
Reuben, the bankroller – portrayed by Elliott Gould in the reboot, a natural fit for Judi Dench.
Saul Bloom, the aging con man – instead of Carl Reiner, Maggie Smith.
Frank Catton, the inside man – Taraji P. Henson, come on down.
Basher, the crazed munitions expert – Helena Bonham Carter, Goggles atop her head, cockney as ever.
Linus, the up and coming pickpocket – Margot Robbie already had a trial run at this in Focus, and she is much lovelier than Matt Damon.
Rusty – This one’s tough, but at the time of the remake, the huge, sexy, mega movie star in the film was actually Brad Pitt. And the huge movie star here should be Scarlett Johansson. She recruited The Hulk, she can recruit this crew.
Now here’s where things could get interesting. Really interesting. The dynamic of the reboot injected a love triangle between Clooney, Casino owner Andy Garcia, and Tess, played by Julia Roberts – though it seems an insult to triangles to call it one. The idea that Julia Roberts is some stunning woman was very forced, and there’s zero chance anyone would stick with Andy Garcia over George Clooney.
So let’s make this triangle a real one, and interesting. And not just onscreen interesting, but offscreen interesting, too.
So as Tess? You need one holdover from the remake: Brad Pitt.
The domineering, intimidating Casino owner? Angelina Jolie. The leader of the pack gunning for revenge, trying to take Angelina down?
Jennifer Aniston, choose your weapon. The time for your revenge is now.
P.S. For those of you upset at the lack of J-Law, she can be The Night Fox in the sequel.
