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Five Ways To Get On Your Wife’s To-Do List


It’s sex week, so it’s time for a reminder about who is having the best sex. For that, let’s go to the numbers. Despite some preconceived notions, couples in committed relationships are having more and better sex.

Research from the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University shows that less than five percent of singles between the ages of 25 and 59 have sex two to three times a week, while a quarter of married folks are knocking boots at that rate. Things fare even worse for the bachelors in the crowd; about half of unhitched guys between the ages of 25 and 29 haven’t had sex in the past year.

In fact, according to research at the University of Chicago, sex is better in marriage, among spiritual or religious couples, and is worse if you cohabitate.

‘Studies have found that married people have more sex than single people, and they also have more varied sex,’ says sexual health expert and best-selling author Dr. Laura Berman, who hosts ‘In The Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman’ on OWN. ‘Oral sex is also more common among married people.’

For those of you who want to up these numbers even further, here’s a few tips on how to catch your wife’s eye.

Before all the mansplaining begins, let’s be clear these are tips for men who don’t want to spend time whining about “fairness” or “female sex privilege.” This is for a man who is focused on the goal and isn’t going to spend time dithering on whether it’s fair. If that’s you, read on.

Your wife works hard, I know, and so do you—but again, you’re here to up your on-base percentage, so focus.

1. Take Something Else Off Her To-Do List

Your wife is busy juggling kids, work, and home. Women naturally rely heavily on multitasking. This can be good but it can also stand in the way of clearing their mind for the important stuff, you know, sex so try the following. Ask your wife what’s one thing on her list she really wants to get to but keeps pushing out. Take that thing and get it done. Seriously. If you are handy do it yourself, if you aren’t figure out how to get someone else to do it.

2. Consider Family Patterns

We are all encoded with certain patterns from our parents. Take advantage of that. Look for something her dad “takes care of” with his wife. My dad never lets my mom fill up the car. It’s strange, right? I’ve gotten gas for years on my own. Women are completely capable of doing this, of course, but whenever my husband offhandedly says, “Oh, I filled up the car,” rational or not… big win for him.

3. Put the Kids to Sleep Early

That’s right, get the kids to sleep for her while she takes a bath. If you have no idea how to get any of your kids to sleep, time to learn. Grab a copy of “The Little Red Hen” and teach your kids about the value of work, then trundle them off to bed.

4. Try Cooking Together

Date nights are harder and harder to find. Add in the cost of babysitting, and you may have spent the cost of an airplane ticket. Pull the kids together for an early dinner and a movie, and make dinner together. Couples who do things together often remember why they were such a great team in the first place. Make this small ritual of cooking something new, and let it reinforce how you complement each other: “According to a study by relationship expert Dr. John Gray, more than 70 per cent of surveyed married couples enjoy cooking together and were significantly more satisfied in all areas of their lives than couples who don’t cook together.”

5. Take Out the Trash

Women love that you take out the trash. It’s great and manly to take charge and manage the heavy lifting. Spike the football here by replacing the bag. So hot. Really. I’m convinced the hottest mommy porn calendar would be 12 months of men doing things like painting the baby’s room, taking out the trash, rocking a child to sleep, and grilling you dinner.

I know, there’s nothing here about actual sex. This is a list of how to make room for sex, which is usually the larger challenge in marriage. My assumption is that you got married for a reason. The surprising thing about marriage is that the caricature that sex is nonexistent because of kids, responsibilities, and big Saturdays where you are “going to Home Depot to, yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time” isn’t true.

These aren’t drags on your life and marriage, they’re the little ways you build a life together. Granted, they often don’t have the same lighting as a romantic bar or the balmy sex appeal of a Caribbean destination, but they are a product of your love. Part of what keeps the pursuit of sex going in marriage is the million things that seem to get in its way. Foreplay is happening every day in your marriage if you pay attention. Women like men of action. Take some and you might be surprised at the results.