The Sad People Who Watched ‘A Christmas Prince’ 18 Days In A Row Craft A Statement

The Sad People Who Watched ‘A Christmas Prince’ 18 Days In A Row Craft A Statement

We've done nothing wrong. But we do need to lay down a marker that watching a good, clean holiday romance every single day of the Christmas season is just good, clean fun.
Mary Katharine Ham
By

Donna: So, what do we think, girls? I feel like we have to respond to this Netflix tweet. They’re targeting us. We’ve done nothing wrong, and that should go without saying. But we do need to lay down a marker that watching a good, clean holiday romance every single day of the Christmas season is just good, clean fun.

Amelia: They should be happy we’re watching Netflix Christmas romances at all. Don’t they know we can DVR TWO Hallmark channels? Two!

Beth: There’s an app, too! I mean, I didn’t buy it, but now I’m thinking about it.

Lindsay: What’s the implication, here, that we’re all lonely cat ladies just because we want to watch a spunky reporter investigate a playboy prince and get herself entangled in some truly royal trouble a couple dozen times??

Martin: I am not a girl or a lady, cat or otherwise. I know I’m outnumbered, here, but really.

Donna: Sorry, Martin.

Amelia: How am I supposed to write a proper Wikipedia plot if I don’t watch the movie SEVERAL times?

Angelica: We do have a lot of cats, to be honest.

Melissa: Collectively, sure.

Angelica: Also, some of us individually have a lot of cats. NTTAWWT.

Amelia: I have a dog.

Donna: We know, Amelia, but cats are an equally valid choice. I don’t want to get into this again. He’s a handsome dog.

Amelia: He is.

Donna: And he helps us deflect accusations of cat-ladyism, which is important to our movement. Look, I think we’re getting off topic.

Emma: I have a cat and a dog. My cat is fat.

Ariel: He is! Loved the Christmas card! The fat cat had Christmas lights draped over him, and he was so maaaaad about it!

Emma: So mad!

Kristin: GUYS, our character has been besmirched. How dare Netflix make original, romantic holiday-themed movies and then sling its social media arrows at those who dare…watch them? I am next-level on this right now. Let’s torch them.

Alicia: Maybe they didn’t mean it that way.

Kristin: Of COURSE they meant it that way. Let’s torch them like all the grotesque exes who smashed our feelings when we made ourselves vulnerable.

Donna: Now, we’re getting somewhere.

Mary: I don’t want to throw us off track, but I am kind of hurting. My last relationship was nooooot great. Kristin’s last comment suggests she may also be bringing some baggage to the mythical kingdom of Aldovia.

Ariel: She has a point. I may be indulging in idealized, romantic fantasies because I’ve been unable to find a relationship that’s more satisfying in my own life. The holidays are hard.

Donna: Hey, I’m married, moderately happily, and we all have homes we bought and careers we’ve built, and yes, many cats! We should be proud of that! None of us is going to hook up with a roguish, handsome, but ultimately emotionally available prince while on a glamorous assignment and become a royal. But it’s fuuuuun and heartwarming.

Kristin: Actually, Mary, Crown Prince of Denmark met her husband at a bar during the 2000 Sydney Olympics and didn’t even know he was a prince. That junk happens.

Donna: Okay, fine, it happened. One time. To one lady.

Kristin: Also Queen Maxima of the Netherlands. She met her husband at a fair and didn’t know he was a prince.

Donna: Okay, two times. Wait, seriously? That happened twice? In real life?

Kristin: Yep, which is why watching this dramatization of such an event, as well as many others, including but not limited to all the “Princess Diaries” and the little-known but invaluable Julia Stiles vehicle, “The Prince and Me,” is wholly defensible.

Alicia: Sigh, that’s so beautiful.

Kelly: If I weren’t attached, I’d be prince hunting, ladies. Get yourselves some cat sitters and get out there!

Amelia: I have a dog.

Melissa: I’m a little conflicted about what my enjoyment of this silly fairy tale means for me. Can it comfortably coexist with my modern-day feminism and independence?

Donna: Maybe that’s the lesson, here, guys.

Ariel: We get out there and find our own actual, literal princes at public gatherings in foreign countries? It seems like a longshot.

Mary: Yeah, but so does Tinder.

Claire: Preach.

Melissa: Would I even want to be a royal? It has many downsides, including loss of autonomy and adherence to an antiquated and elitist social system.

Donna: But maybe we should put ourselves out there a little more. Maybe take a break on “A Christmas Prince” once a week? We have so much to show the world! It starts now. We can *enjoy* an unrealistic romantic, holiday-themed romp and not be dependent on it.

Melissa: And I really do have a pretty fulfilling life. Can’t “A Christmas Prince” just be part of it without meaning everything in the world? It’s not an abdication of my role as a strong mother and role model to enjoy a silly movie. WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF, NETFLIX.

Lindsay: Whatever, I’m proud. It’s cold outside. I have a new juicer, an Amazon Echo that listens to all my feelings without complaint, and a new Pottery Barn throw that nearly replicates human warmth.

Donna: All right, I think we have the outlines of this. Kristin, you and I will work something up, and I’m fact-checking this meet-a-random-prince stuff.

Kristin: Do it. It’s true.

Lindsay: Here’s my statement. SORRY NOT SORRY.

Beth: The Hallmark app would never tweet mean things about us.

Claire: PREACH.

Mary Katharine Ham is a senior writer at The Federalist.

Copyright © 2018 The Federalist, a wholly independent division of FDRLST Media, All Rights Reserved.