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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 111

By: Rich Cromwell
9 min read

The conversation was not to get far, not least because of the disparate opinions represented by those sitting around the round table, if not the Round Table.

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Rich Cromwell
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There was a round table, if not the Round Table. Nevertheless, around it sat 99, Sandoz, Sam, Wade, Ralph, Gerard, Conejito, and Alan the St. Bernard. They were discussing matters of great import, like edible fungus and extinct flamingos. Yes, they exist. Or at least they used to before they became extinct.

The conversation was not to get far, not least because of the disparate opinions represented by those sitting around the round table, if not the Round Table. There was also the fact time was a consideration for the stagecoach. They’d decided the most conspicuous escape was the least conspicuous, by virtue of ridiculousness. Plus, they were outfitted with handcuffs and other such accouterments, so their paths were mostly set.

Nonetheless, not all were clear on the proceedings, your humble narrator included, but also this character, too.


There was also the fact that, despite the confusion, they had a plan, albeit a loose one.


Like, really loose.


There was a guiding principle though.


And pants to match.


99 and Sandoz pondered their next steps, though the universe lent a hand.


While Wade had his own mantra.


Sam, on the other hand, was carrying a sign.


Conejito, though, was weary.


Gerard, on the other other hand, was feeling lit.


Ralph had his own problems.


While Alan just chilled, despite the pack of angry armadillos currently barking at him.


Then there was Annie, throwing a curveball.


And Jeff, who insisted on making helpful suggestions.


While Anna reminded the motley crew of the truth.


However, a voice arose from the crowd. The crew knew they couldn’t be constrained by normal rules and heeded the call. They had a stagecoach, after all.


Some rules were not to be skirted, stagecoach or no.


There were also appetites to consider. Those were to be whetted and not denied.


99 lost interest at this point and wandered off, albeit with purpose, even if he was wearing sandals with socks.


He knew that even if things ended poorly, they would end in glory.


Plus, it had to be remembered, the pace was apace.


Sandoz and Wade, meanwhile, stopped to partake of a buffet. Wade was more excited than he should have been to receive a free balloon.


Ralph was unperturbed, for he was blessed with knowledge. Granted, it wasn’t comforting knowledge.


He had a fall guy, though.


And some excuses.


Conejito and Alan were more grounded in reality.


If, at the same time, overly optimistic.


Gerard just luxuriated during all of it.


Not that he had that much reason to worry.


Not that everyone involved was equally lucid.


Though Wade had alternative plans, just in case the future-self ended up being a Terminator.


He also had other concerns.


But he had the right attitude.


If some holes in his memory.


Nevertheless, he had a koan, and that was enough.


Well, he also had a mission. That combined with the koan was enough, probably.


Though he was facing adversity.


Still, he wasn’t too concerned. He had both eyes wide open. Plus, Annie was still evaluating the situation under the porch.


Then this happened.


Fortunately, there was but one response and Wade was ready.


No spoilers!


Then, from out of the ether, and a mid-price hotel conference room, a seminar arose.


Not all the topics were so benign.


This is a natural follow-up when discussing lightning strikes.


As was this line of discussion.


This one was more esoteric, given the crowd, though not lacking in utility.


But what if they’re zombie raccoons?


Wade had had enough and stood up, issuing a proclamation.


Then he waited for them to arrive. It seems like they’d all started this, umm, adventure? together. Yet none of them showed up. Then he remembered they were traveling by stagecoach. Maybe they’d catch up with him in a few weeks. So, he returned to the seminar to bide his time. This gave him an idea.


He then took over the seminar, though no one could tell what he was talking about, which effectively ended the seminar. That’s the thing about life, you never know when you and your motley crew are going to set out on an adventure, albeit one involving a stagecoach, and then end up scattered with at least one of you at a bizarre seminar.

Regardless, Wade knew the troupe would reunite shortly. He wasn’t averse to taking a nap, especially given he’d saved numerous people from the ravages of the mid-rate hotel conference room. He grabbed a cup of tea, admired his work, and decided that things had turned out pretty okay. In fact, they’d turned out transformative even, in the way that Siva is transformative.

Richard Cromwell is a writer and senior contributor at The Federalist. He lives in Northwest Arkansas with his wife, three daughters, and two crazy dogs. Co-host of the podcast Coffee & Cochon, you can find him on Facebook and Twitter, though you should probably avoid using social media.

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