In season two of Netflix’s “Master of None,” Aziz Ansari’s character, Dev, repeatedly uses a line to get the attention of women in a Tinder-like dating app.
“Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?” he would ask every single girl he matched with. The line seemed to work out pretty well for Dev, as we see him out with a different girl for drinks and dinner every single night for multiple nights in a row. I decided to try out the line to see how well it works with men on Tinder in real life.
For several days, I furiously swiped right on every single guy who appeared on my screen. Whenever I matched with a guy, I would send him Dev’s Whole Foods line and wait for a response. Here’s what happened.
Some Took My Offer Seriously
Or maybe the fellow above was just playing along. Not so much this next guy.
Okay, calm down.
Others Caught Onto My Game
“Curry People” refers to a nickname Francesca used to describe Indian-Americans. This dude came to play.
There were a lot more of these responses I simply didn’t include for the sake of brevity. Apparently, a lot of dudes who use Tinder also watch “Master of None.”
This Dude Got Kinda Demanding
“Where’s my pizza??” Okay, bro.
Things Took A Turn For The Gross
How about nah?
Then Things Got Political
This is why dating in DC is awful.
True story: As a child, I did get a kitten from Trader Joe’s, whom I named Chloe. She was a great pet until one day she decided to sneak out of the house. We found her the next day dead on our front lawn with a puncture wound in her side. Rigor mortis had set in, so her face was frozen in a fearful expression and her claws were out, indicating she had probably died trying to defend herself from whatever animal had attacked her.
Some Were Confused
I know. Life is hard and so is finding love.
Pro Tip: Do Not Ask A Potential Date To Get You Toilet Paper
Hate to break it to ya dude, but our relationship just isn’t there yet.
This Dude Questioned My Devotion To The Show
In the first episode of season one, Dev and a girl he’s having a one-time stand with, Rachael, take a midnight trip to the drugstore to get some Plan B — a tidbit I admittedly forgot about until after this dude called me out.
Some Gave Me Credit
Some Jumped The Gun
And beat me to the punch with cheesy lines before I could ask them my very important question.
Long story short: the line totally works. I’d estimate about 90 percent of the guys I sent the Whole Foods question to responded back, and most of the responses I received were pretty earnest.
I learned from this experiment that the secret to Tinder is having a quirky opening line, but I’d recommend coming up with one on your own instead of reusing Ansari’s. Don’t do what I did. Don’t be that girl.