Why Beauty Pageants Like Miss USA Are The Worst

Why Beauty Pageants Like Miss USA Are The Worst

Last night another Miss USA was crowned on live TV, and it was the worst three hours of my entire life. I watched from start to finish, took notes, re-watched it, composed 15 passionate tweets about the broadcast, then started following the organization’s Twitter account so I could passive-aggressively ignore it. Truly a waste of my time. As a woman who supports all women, I cannot support these women.

Let me just state the obvious upfront. Beauty pageants are awful because they celebrate the female body. Having a woman wear a bikini with a smile on her face is offensive. I don’t want to see her exposing her hard work, discipline, and self-confidence. That’s gross. Little girls don’t need to see a display of self-love on their TV screens. And if their nipples aren’t exposed they clearly don’t support other women.

There’s no way a beauty queen can be a role model for young girls. Today, girls face serious issues like bullying and gender discrimination. They need to see real women doing real things. Thank God there’s Instagram to provide an unedited honest look at life. Girls should be modeling themselves after genuine celebrities, like Kylie Jenner riding a yacht.

Apparently, Miss USA works with various philanthropies throughout her reign to help them gain awareness and funds. Newflash: Real women don’t just selflessly help others. If you’re not raising awareness for yourself and promoting your own interests, how will you ever be a #GirlBoss? It’s a cutthroat world out there, and women need to be more selfish to succeed. Thinking about others is not only lame, it’s dangerous. Sharing is careless.

Now, the part of the pageant that infuriates me every single time I watch is that onstage question! How easy could that be? Answering a polarizing political question in less than 30 seconds in front of millions of viewers only to have it picked apart and replayed forever and ever until long after you die is seriously the easiest thing in the world. I mean, I can draft a 140-character tweet in about 15 seconds without even thinking or checking my grammar. And I always get at least 12 likes.

Honestly, I miss the old pageant days, where all we knew about the contestant was her name and state, and then we judged her. Now the people who produce this thing give each woman a spotlight to showcase what makes her unique and extraordinary. Apparently, some have master’s degrees and STEM jobs? Everyone has a hobby or talent? This is a threat to womanhood.

We all know women are supposed to work hard to be like everyone else. Originality is out of style. Basic is in. That’s why we all buy the same trendy handbag and take the same trampoline exercise class. Standing out is not only uncool, it’s a slap in the face to your sister.

The Miss USA competition is heinously problematic. We should not only do away with pageants but with competition as a whole. Women are not strong. We are incredibly delicate flowers who wilt under society’s heat and our own ignorance. We need to stop accepting the patriarchy’s opportunities to fail. Until every woman walks away with a crown, beauty pageants are just the worst.

Joanne Nosuchinsky is a New York City-based actress, former Miss New York USA, and cable news personality.
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