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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 77

I’m giving you a choice: either put on these glasses or start eatin’ that trash can.

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What if I told you that aliens were living and working among us, and all you needed to do to become aware of their presence was to put on some special sunglasses?

Naturally, you’d start a fistfight with me, one lasting approximately 17 minutes. Then, you’d put on the sunglasses and become aware. Afterward, we’d make up, get into some adventures, and save humanity. At least one of us would rock a sweet mullet to go with our eyewear.

And what if I told you that you’re being paranoid and I was really just describing the plot to the classic 1988 film “They Live”? Would you still put on those BluBlockers and challenge me to an extremely protracted and bloody fistfight? Damn straight, because fashion matters and those sunglasses are exceedingly ugly. The truth is out there, but that doesn’t mean you can’t look good while you’re pursuing it.


No, you were right and they were wrong.


Excuses like “they blocked out the blue rays” or “I was just looking for aliens.”


You’re welcome.


*Puts on special glasses*


When your fight intrudes on the illusion of normal life but you’re really just battling alien invaders.


“Don’t mind those and, please, take stop pretending you’re Corey Hart.”


But wait, there’s more! Aliens that are really good at marketing for one.


Dammit, now I have to start a fistfight with you.


You know what else they sold at this hardware store?


Never underestimate our opponent, particularly if they’re motivated.


Okay, fine, but do they know the truth is out there?


She’s wearing her BluBlockers. Don’t test her.


What did you say? Now put on the glasses.


I’ve got a script I need you to look at.


It’s like you’re not even listening.


I can help you solve this mystery.


That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t give it a shot.


As long as you know how to throw a punch.


You just had to wear your special lenses.


No, I think we need to duke it out.


The hero we need.


We’re chilling in a camper van, lay off.


Not even drinking booze in a sweet camper van?


Don’t trust them. They likely wouldn’t withstand the scrutiny of your BluBlockers.


He’s definitely one of them.


Listen, don’t trust this guy. He’ll never give you special sunglasses.


But first make sure he isn’t one of them.


No, no, no. We’ve got a job for you. Things are not going well. This situation calls for something futile.


Perfect.


Yes. Always keep them guessing.


Always. Keep. Them. Guessing.


And always plan for retribution.


But also look to the future.


It’s important to accept things as they are, especially once you’ve donned the glasses.


And if it doesn’t, they’re an alien.


How’s your resistance to iocane powder?


This is just what one of them would say.


Regardless, leave a record.


And make sure you have an accomplice, for plausible deniability.


Dance like no one is watching. Unless they are and you have to cut them.


As we head into unknown and frightening territory, embrace it.


The beginning is the end is the beginning.


Or sometimes just the end.


This is mildly concerning, though less concerning than an artichoke festival.


They know that the element of surprise matters. Oh, they know.


We’re close.


Magical sunglasses. You want magical sunglasses.


Though we be surrounded, there is hope. We can traverse this territory, safe in the knowledge that we are adept at navigating our surroundings. We push our sunglasses up from the bridge of our noses and nod our heads. This world is ours. We may be bounding across uncharted territory, but we blend in, observe, plot, scheme, throw a few punches when people disagree with our approach.