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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 70

weird twitter

Why isn’t it called a maize maze?


The moon began venturing out earlier and earlier as the days shorten. Life continues, but a somber mood takes hold. The darkness becoming us, enveloping our lives.

But on the edges, light emerges. Darkness proves to be relative. For no matter how strong her grip, it was always tenuous. Hope remains, waiting on us to break forth and crack a cold one. Resilience was always a mark of our character.

As the wise man once opined, the half-full glass is that much closer to a refill, even as the maze looms and we were tempted to lay down and throw in the towel.

That just means you’re living life to the fullest.

That’s what 2016 is all about.

They are right bastards, but a mixture of apple cider vinegar and dish soap helps eradicate them.

No jury will convict.

Good because change requires much more effort than I’m willing to put forth.

Were you paying attention to what I said about darkness, dawn, and drink refills?

I’m not saying I’d pay to watch this, but I’m not not saying it, either.


It was a decisive victory because everyone was so afraid of the crazy guy with the disposable dinnerware.

It’s never too early to start planning.

Several items from the previous list would be helpful here.

As Sun Tzu said.

Much like evil murder clowns, what was inside did not match what was outside.

Is there a scene after the credits like in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?”

Dare to feel alive.

Not in my house.

For a really deep clean, try this.

The Gatekeeper in the new “Ghostbusters” is a lot lazier than I remembered.

You don’t want the answer to this question.

Disagree, you’re just often too exhausted to appreciate it.

Most people don’t realize that Craig was also into clown cosplay.

This is how Guy Fieri makes a chicken salad.

I’m sorry I said that you’re not a good boy.

Children of the Corn need origin stories, too.

Trying to get out of a corn maze. Next question.

Just giving up works, too.

We didn’t sacrifice enough goats. Or children.

That’s what the corn maze said, yet here we are.

Like taking a trip into that maize.

*drops ear of corn like a mic*

What if it’s all just a beautiful dream? Wait, scratch that.

A pumpkin or festive seasonal cornucopia, perhaps.

That’s one way to defeat a particularly challenging maze.

Pretty much.

You know what other walkable puzzles supposedly leave you cursed?

She was just so happy to be out of the maze, she didn’t watch where she was going.

Especially if you see clown makeup on the counter.

You’ll need other attractions if you want to turn a profit, though.

Every corn maze needs a scarecrow and scarecrows need scarves. Like a plethora of scarves.


And with a flip of her hair, she floated above the rows and strode triumphantly out of the maze.


Who said that?

You think she’s joking, but you’re trapped in a maze and you don’t want this to go down.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Maze Runner?

What’s up with the past tense?

Especially when you’re trapped on the inside.

Eventually it happens to all of us.

You know what’s good for chopping down corn stalks?

And what’s good for launching pumpkins.

Of course, then they won’t use their really long necks to help you see your way out of the maze.

She remained forever haunted by the medieval corn maze and the harrowing journey through it.

He calls out to his bride, asking how much longer she’s going to be in the tub.

He should’ve asked for directions out or gotten out the map or something.

We emerge, dirt and corn silk hanging from our clothes, harried and weary. Regardless, we’ve fought our way out. The glass remains half-empty, awaiting a refill and we oblige ourselves, for we’ve earned it. It’s fall, the pumpkins are stalking, and we must remain vigilant, especially in case the murder clown from which we narrowly escaped catches up. Fortunately, he didn’t really seem that into it.