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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 33


So far, 2016 hasn’t been the best year. We’ve lost a space oddity and Professor Snape; the man who fell to earth and Hans Gruber. But thanks to the magic of technology, they shall persevere and stay with us. For, if Hollywood has taught us anything, while you can’t really remake the classics (and Bowie and Rickman were classic). They’ll still offer us pale imitations, which is really worse. At least it reminds us of what once was.

*Present-day Tawny Kitaen nods her head in agreement*

Also Van Halen, big hair, and shoulder pads.

Another great thing about the ’80s? The toys.

Of course, this is what life is increasingly like for those of us who remember the best decade.

Nevertheless, don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years.

Even better than chicken soup, plus mama did say to knock someone out.

Don’t fall for this question. It’s a trap! Plus, how long ‘til they remake this movie and ruin it?

The force did not awaken upon this discovery.

Maybe wear the gold Princess Leia bikini?

This reboot has potential.

Are they remaking “Fight Club” with the sexes reversed?

When female Tyler Durden starts waking up.

“Then we’ll see you in hell.”

Few people realized how much of a dark side Winnie had.

Except for her. She gets it.

I don’t support this idea. Pandas are close to geese in terms of awfulness.

Dear eagle: Listen to him.

Send in the eagles.

I need to have a conversation with her about geese.

He should create a cartoon around this idea. Wait a minute…

Why can’t it be both?

Bees technically have some redeeming qualities, but since they once tried to kill me, I wholly endorse this statement.

This would be a better pet, to be honest.

Seriously, what is up with them?

Let’s ask this kid about eels. It should be entertaining.

But the explanation would be really long-winded.

Still, it’s important to encourage them to express themselves.

Without it, the future will be deprived of art.

One way to get your kid to stop talking.


Being a parent is exhausting. Who can say he hasn’t had this happen to him?

You do have to establish dominance from day one.

If we’re being honest, most of us would do the same.


Weren’t we talking about snakes a second ago?

This sounds like something a pimp would say, but to one of his girls.

There are better bad spreadsheet analogies than trying this.

This is not how you establish dominance.

This is how you establish dominance.

All she said was do something. You have to be specific in these situations.

This is what specific instruction looks like.

They knew how to be specific.

Artists today just don’t get it.

Exactly. If you’re not in a zone of danger, you’re doing it wrong.

But don’t go too far.

Go just too far enough.

And always do it with a song in your heart.

I’ll take questions not to ask during an interview for $500, Alex.

See, you wait until you’re hired.

Booze would never do this to you. Wait, yes it totally would.

People without kids might think she’s joking.

Just remember, when drinking, don’t overdo it or you might end up at Waffle House.

Well, kids, we’ve reached the end of another journey through light and sound, through memory and dreams of better days, through moments when cassettes held our jams and space men and villains simply needed Major Tom and detonators. We could be mad about it or, instead, merely be loud about it. In the age of the Internet, I know what path I’m choosing.

Don’t forget that no matter how loud I get, I’m not an idiot, you’re the idiot.