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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 2

Hi, Twitter. I’m dad.


Once a gorilla walked into the middle of a group of people playing catch with a basketball, but you didn’t see the gorilla because you were busy counting how many times the people passed the ball. I am here to point out the gorilla.

Actually, there’s multiple gorillas. There’s too many to count and I can’t see the basketball anymore, and I’m losing sight of all the gorillas. But not all are lost in the mist. And with that, we’re off.

You and me both, buddy. tu


People who treat dogs like children and parents who use small units of time are both awful.

Breakdancing is hard, yo.

I’m sorry, but this is so many of you.

Hope and change.

Sending this one to NDT in case he ever gets abducted and can ask all his questions.

It’s called “spreading the love.”

Water: the silent enemy.

Mojo would never do that.

Pick-up lines.

The power of branding.

If that didn’t convince you about the power of branding, this will.

On the other hand, a good salesman is a force of nature.

Michael the Rock is the enemy of illogical moral preening.

For you dreamers, no, you don’t have to be a member of Weird Twitter to make the cut.

Sean Connery’s secret account.

The talk.

Answer: There’s never too many.

There’s also wine.

So heteronormative.

As long as we’re talking heteronormativity, here’s a classic.

I think Neal Dewing used to do LARP.

Only when in Reno.

What’s the opposite of Eleanor Roosevelt, Alex?


It can mow the yard and provide milk, probably.


Look, don’t make it awkward.

President Biden on the military.


Could you use it in a sentence?

Tight game.

History is hard.

You and me both, buddy.

With that bookend, we’re done with this week’s expanded list. For those I missed, don’t hesitate to hit me up at @rcromwell4. I can’t promise that I won’t miss you again, but there’s just so many of you frickin’ weirdos and I’m just one man. Speaking of being a man…