Top 10 Reasons Donald Trump Is Not Tony Soprano

Top 10 Reasons Donald Trump Is Not Tony Soprano

This morning, New York Times reporter Michael Barbaro asked if Donald Trump was just Tony Soprano with better clothes. Here (with an assist from some alert Twitter readers) is why he’s not.

10. Tony Has Better Taste in Home Décor

Tony was a millionaire, but his home was a place people lived, not a place for posing weird pictures. Tony valued his privacy and let his wife choose the marble.

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9. Tony Didn’t Cheat at Golf

This is a character flaw even a mafia don didn’t have. (See also: Clinton, William J.)

8. People in New York and New Jersey Respected Tony

They respected Tony’s uncle and his family, too. Probably because mobsters were less gauche—and less racist—than Trump and his father.

7. Tony Worried About His Weight

All middle-aged men have to worry about this, but some handle it better than others. Also, Tony knew the solution to being fat wasn’t to let his ties hang to his knees.

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6. Tony and Carmela Had Nicer Kids

Sure, AJ and Meadow had problems. But they were just normal kids from Jersey. They weren’t creepy cyborgs. They were also more aware of their father’s flaws.

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5. There Were Things Tony Wouldn’t Do Just to Be Accepted in Manhattan

Tony had his tussles with the big boys in New York City, but when push came to shove, he never forgot his humble roots. Downtown guys like Johnny Sack went out crying like a baby, while 212-wannabe Phil Leotardo ended up with his head under an SUV. But Tony wouldn’t grovel—unlike a certain needy real estate developer we could name.

4. Tony Had Real Friends

Money can buy you a lot of things. It can’t buy loyalty. (Unless you’re Corey Lewandowski. Then we can talk.)

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3. Tony and His Family Knew How to Run a Successful Business

Tony never went bankrupt, and he paid his debts. That puts him two up on Trump.

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2. Tony Was Only Married Once

The Sopranos weren’t the best Catholics, but they were religious people, and they managed to keep their marriage together. Tony also managed to keep his goomahs out of the papers, instead of celebrating his various adulteries in the press.

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And the number one reason Donald Trump is not Tony Soprano:

1. Tony Knew When to Get Psychiatric Help

Dr. Melfi is just across the bridge, Donald. Although she no longer treats sociopaths, she might be able to make a referral.

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Tom Nichols is a professor of national security affairs at the U.S. Naval War College and an adjunct professor in the Harvard Extension School. Views expressed here are his own. Follow him on Twitter, @RadioFreeTom.
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