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Miscarriage Is Not At All Morally Equivalent To Abortion, And Anyone Who Thinks So Is Wildly Ignorant

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Image CreditPaintzen/Flickr

The fundamental difference is that those of us who lost our babies through miscarriages want our children to live.

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After a draft majority opinion from the Supreme Court that would overturn Roe v. Wade was leaked early this week, abortion supporters have come out in full force to denounce the potential decision. One of the worst takes of these abortion supporters has been to make abortions and miscarriages morally equivalent. 

Here’s a Twitter thread from Alex Falcone, a blue check who claims to have appeared on “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert.” In one tweet, Falcone claimed, “Nobody’s passing laws to reduce miscarriages, they’re not holding rallies.”

In another one, he doubled down his insults to parents who lost children through miscarriages, “We rarely talk about miscarriages even though they happen to basically everybody you know. They’re devastating, but not because of souls. Nobody talks about how they can’t wait to be reunited with their fetus in heaven because they don’t actually believe that.”

Falcone’s abhorrent and ignorant remarks, which equate abortion to miscarriage, cut deep into my heart. I lost two babies in three years. My son, Lucas, was stillborn, and last spring I lost my daughter, Allie, to miscarriage when I was only eight weeks pregnant.  

I still remember the first time I saw Allie in the doctor’s office through ultrasound. My baby was a tiny little dot on the screen. The doctor told me that although my baby was about the size of a raspberry at the time, she would grow fast, at a rate of a millimeter a day. She would soon develop lips, a nose, and eyelids.

I didn’t know much about my little raspberry, but my maternal instinct told me my baby was a girl. So my husband and I named her Allie.

But shortly after that doctor’s visit, I began to bleed heavily. In a few days, I lost my precious baby girl. The devastation and pain my husband and I experienced were no less than how we felt about the loss of Lucas. I asked my doctor for the ultrasound picture that showed Allie as a tiny dot in my womb. My husband made a beautiful A-shaped wood frame to hold it.

A few days ago, on April 26, the one-year anniversary of when Allie’s ultrasound picture was taken, we celebrated her short, precious life. We also decided to mark April 26 as Allie’s birthday so we can celebrate her life every year going forward.

Clear Differences Between Miscarriage and Abortion

One in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage, defined as a pregnancy that ends unexpectedly before the 20th week of pregnancy. The consensus of medical professionals is that a miscarriage “cannot be prevented in most cases” because “the factors that lead to most miscarriages are unavoidable … including chromosomal abnormalities and fetus development problems.”

Falcon revealed his ignorance when he asked why “Nobody’s passing laws to reduce miscarriages.” He should have known that we cannot legislate on something that is unavoidable and cannot be prevented medically.

More importantly, he fails to see the fundamental difference between those who seek to end their babies’ lives through abortions and those of us who lost our babies unexpectedly through miscarriages or other pregnancy complications: we want our children to live. We would never harm our unborn children, and we would do anything to save their lives.

I’d be willing to give my life if my son and daughter could have lived. I know many angel parents (parents who lost babies) feel this way. 

One of the worst feelings every parent who lost a child has is eternal guilt. We have already had a hard time shaking off the shame of how we could go on living while our babies didn’t make it. In my angel parents’ support group, almost all parents have undergone intensive psychotherapy to address this guilt.

Feeling guilty for losing babies has driven many parents into depression. That is why doctors and therapists have learned to tell angel parents repeatedly, “You have done nothing wrong.” By equating abortion to miscarriage, people like Falcone traumatize angel parents once more, implying we have done something wrong to cause the death of our children.

Yes, We Believe We’ll See Our Babies Again

Falcone concluded his ignorant and demeaning remarks about parents who experienced miscarriages by taking a cruel swipe against people of faith. In one tweet, he claims, “Nobody who says a fetus is a life that god wanted to bring into the world talks about how a million times a year he just, uh, changes his mind.” In another tweet, he asserted, “Nobody talks about how they can’t wait to be reunited with their fetus in heaven because they don’t actually believe that.”

It is obvious that Falcone does not know anything about faith and people who have faith.

As a Christian, I do not believe that pain and suffering in my life are a punishment from God. God loves us so much that he sacrificed his only Son to provide eternal life to all who believe in Him. As a mother who lost two babies, I can imagine God’s pain when watching his only son dying on a cross.

Through my suffering, I have become closer to God. As Mother Teresa once said, “Remember, pain, sorrow, and suffering are but the kiss of Jesus, a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”

My shared experience with God through our losses is sacred. That’s why I have chosen not to wear my pain and suffering on my sleeves or broadcast it to the whole world. There is dignity in suffering quietly, and I know many fellow Christians feel the same way.

People like Falcone shouldn’t mistake our silence as evidence for lacking faith. Since he asked, let me say this. I do believe I will embrace my children, Lucas and Allie, again. This belief has pulled me out of depression and has kept me going.

Because of this belief, I have chosen to live an even more fulfilling and meaningful life, and to love others and this world even more intensely. On the day I finally get to see my children again, I hope they will be proud of me for not wasting the most important gift from God: life.

For Falcone and people who think like him, I pray that God will soften their hearts and open their eyes so they can see there is no moral equivalency between abortions and miscarriages.