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Best Tweets Of The Very Drinkable Fourth Democratic Primary Debate

Did you spend your time watching the team formerly known as the Expos play baseball instead? Not to worry: the best tweets of last night’s debate are here.


Two news organizations, three moderators, twelve candidates, and scores—nay, hundreds—of folks watching at home. That’s right, friends, it the fourth round of Democratic presidential primary debates. Did you spend your time watching the team formerly known as the Expos play baseball instead? Not to worry: the best tweets of last night’s debate are here.

Don’t You Guys All Hate Trump?

With an even dozen candidates shoehorned into the stage, CNN and the New York Times did us all a solid by skipping the opening statements. Instead, they turned directly to the possibility of impeachment. The answers were predictable:

Some of the candidates used the opportunity to cram in an opening statement anyway, including debate newcomer Tom Steyer, a man best know for being everything his party hates: white, male, old, and filthy rich.

The Main Event

Moderator Anderson Cooper then posed a surprisingly tough question to Joe Biden about his son’s $50,000-a-month no-work job in Ukraine.

The debate then moved, as all Democratic debates must, to 40 minutes of arguing about whether to nationalize all of health care or just some of it. Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s recent rise in the polls made her the center of attention—and the main target. She, once more, refused to answer the question about whether her health plan would raise taxes.

(Also, they’re not selfies, they’re photographs taken by someone else.)

Pete Buttigieg took the Massachusetts senator to task on her consistent evasion.

Sen. Bernie Sanders took the opportunity to reclaim his idea from Warren and to explain openly how he’d pay for it: by taxing us all to death.

Sen. Amy Klobuchar joined in the melee.

And Biden joined in with some math.

Kamala Harris’s health-care plan is the Schrodinger’s Cat of Medicare—until anyone nails her down on it, private insurance is both illegal and legal. Desperate to avoid the issue, she opted instead to praise abortion on demand—always an applause line with this crowd.

Get a Job! Or Don’t!

Jobs used to be the centerpiece of the Democrats’ campaigns. In 2019, though, the debate has changed. Now, they want to know: should we make the government invent jobs for everyone, or just throw free money at you?

Warren suggested that neither was the answer, but that bad trade deals were stealing all of our jobs. She has a plan! (But doesn’t say what it is)

From there, we moved on to taxes and to Bernie’s eternal foe: the billionaires.

Biden made a fair point about different classes of income being taxed at different rates, but obscured it with an old-timey reference to bond coupons.

Warren again proposed her unconstitutional, unworkable wealth tax.

Nobody liked the way she presented her answers as the only acceptable plans for anyone who cares about people. That’s only to be used against Republicans! No fair turning on your own party!

Peace in the Middle East

They next discussed foreign affairs. Biden, who has a long career of being wrong about such things, condemned Trump’s abandonment of the Kurds, but couldn’t remember which country we were abandoning them in.

Tulsi Gabbard was finally asked a question, and did her thing

After hitting back at CNN and The New York Times for their slanted coverage of her, Gabbard called for an end to U.S. troops in the Middle East and challenged the others to join her.

The moderators next asked if Turkey should be expelled from NATO, which is not a thing.

Harris said something, then blamed Trump for everything bad in the world.

Cory Booker piped up to say that the candidates should all be friends.

But most of them didn’t have any real plan to speak of.

Steyer said something about Putin.

Beto said something in Spanglish

Yang…look, the guy doesn’t do foreign policy, OK? Here’s a thousand dollars.

Lightning Round

Time dragged on. When had we begun? When would it end? Would we always be here? Had we always been here? As we entered the third hour, reality itself was distorted.

The moderators asked Bobby O’Rourke about his gun confiscation proposal.

Buttigieg objected to O’Rourke’s glibness

Harris promised, as is her custom, to rule by decree.

They moved on to the opioid crisis. Does Harris want to jail drug company executives? This was the softball to end all softballs.

You’ll never guess who Bernie blamed the problem on:

There was a brief consideration about whether any of the three septuagenarian front runners had the stamina to lead the executive branch.

That was it for the hard questions. There was talk of court-packing and more talk of abortion, but time was running out. Some of the older folks were past their bedtimes.

The asked everyone about Ellen DeGeneres and whether they could have friends who were different than they were. Three of them had the same Republican friend. Harris talked about her parents, for some reason.

At last, the debate was ended. We were exhausted, yet unfulfilled.