Philadelphia sports teams are not exactly legendary. Since 1983, the four major teams have accounted for exactly one professional championship. Philadelphia sports fans, on the other hand, are absolutely legendary. Well-known as the toughest, most violent, most profane and unwelcoming fans in America, they represent their hard-working city perfectly.
This year the underdog Philadelphia Eagles are making a Cinderella run through the playoffs that will take them to the Super Bowl to face the Patriots on February 4. It has been a time of great rejoicing and, well, other things for the Philly natives. It is truly an epic time for Philly sports fans, who are finding new highs, or lows, to cement their reputation as the best, or worst, fans in the country.
Here are six moments from the playoff run that show the Philly sports fan in all his glory, and are pure Philadelphia. As is the case at sports events, or really any event in Philadelphia, much of this is not safe for work and probably shouldn’t be viewed around young children, unless they are from Philadelphia and used to it.
6. NFL Gameday Beer Shotgunning Guy
During the “NFL Gameday “show before the Atlanta game, one excited Eagles fan was doing some pre-gaming of his own. In four separate instances over the course of the short broadcast, this hero can be seen shotgunning four beers. For those unfamiliar with how to shotgun beer, one punctures the can then, holding it close to one’s mouth, opens it, causing the beer to forcefully eject into one’s mouth.
The advantage is that the alcohol is consumed very quickly and inebriation follows in short order. In classic Philly style, this beer-pounding happened around noon.
Philly Ranking: 4½ Cheesesteaks
5. Greased Pole Climbing
In anticipation of the 38-7 shellacking that the Eagles laid on the Vikings last Sunday, Philadelphia police applied Crisco cooking grease to light poles around the city. The purpose of this proactive policing was to dissuade fans from climbing the poles in celebration, thereby risking serious injury from falling.
Frankly, the cops should have known better. Trying to keep a Philadelphian from doing a crazy and dangerous thing, like declaring independence from the most powerful empire on earth, for example, always fails. So high on life were Birds fans after the game that the poles were easily conquered.
Mashable Feed: https://t.co/1LCiWZO3yM
— Altered Office (@AlteredOffice) January 22, 2018
Philly Ranking: 4 Soft Pretzels With Mustard
4. Fighting Horses
It is well known that Philly sports fans will brawl with just about anyone — opposing fans, each other, police, cousins, sisters — but during the Eagles playoff run a new kind of sparring partner emerged. In not one, but two incidents, Eagles fans assaulted police horses, punching the animals repeatedly in the face. This is as fine an example as possible of the crazed hysteria Philadelphia induces with any decent amount of sports success.
Please don't punch horses. https://t.co/aDOUnttNnC
— SB Nation (@SBNation) January 16, 2018
Shocking moment a bloodied Eagles fan, 19, is arrested 'for punching a POLICE HORSE' https://t.co/yfiSJFJlJ5
— Daily Mail US (@DailyMail) January 23, 2018
Philly Ranking: 3 ½ Nights Sleeping One Off In Jail
3. Assaulting Minnesotans
Below is a complaint from someone called Nathan, in Minnesota. Nathan objects to an acquaintance of his being pelted by full beer cans outside the Eagles game, just for wearing a Vikings jersey. Let me explain something to you, Nathan. You do not — I repeat, do not — attend an Eagles game wearing the other team’s jersey.
Now, of course I don’t condone hurling dangerous projectiles at innocent Midwesterners. But that’s like saying I don’t condone tornadoes, or hurricanes. It is simply a force of nature, and it will never change.
Hey @Eagles, maybe next time the Vikings come play in your stadium, don’t allow your fans to throw full beer cans at our fans. My dad’s friends son got hit with one before the game, not acceptable. Bad sportsmanship… pic.twitter.com/eFeSD006xS
— Nate (@natehoIe) January 22, 2018
Philly Ranking: 5 Snowballs Thrown At Santa
2. Subway Shenanigans
After the Atlanta game, an incident was filmed on a subway car, which, this being a family-friendly news outlet, will not be linked to. Suffice to say that a certain sexual act was taking place in the car to celebrate the win. The nonplussed fellow riders, giddy with victory, didn’t seem to mind. One said, “I’m not even mad, I’m just impressed.”
But where the subway can bring pleasure it can also bring pain, as one excited fan discovered on the subway platform. Super-fan Jigar Desai was so thrilled to share the moment with fellow fans that he ran along side a moving subway whooping it up. Moments later he would crash into a pole, to the oohs and ahs of the riders.
— Dan McQuade (@dhm) January 23, 2018
From the reverse angle we can also see that Desai splattered onto the moving subway car after careening off the pole. Asked by Deadspin afterwards how he was feeling, Desai said, “I feel great, it feels like I just worked out or something.” That’s a Philly fan.
second angle of the #eagles fan getting decked by the subway pole…gets it worse on the rebound
(via brandon hubschman on youtube) pic.twitter.com/7LX3p1zpty
— nico canavo (@nicocanavo) January 23, 2018
Philly Ranking: 5 Stitches To the Forehead
1. Dune Buggy Up The Steps
Everyone knows how much Philadelphia loves Rocky. Some people think it weird or sad that a city treats a fictional character like a true sports hero, but Philadelphians don’t care in the slightest what those people think. The way to celebrate anything in Philly is run up the Art Museum steps like Rocky. The way to celebrate going to the Super Bowl is to drive a dune buggy up the Art Museum steps. Well done.
Philly Ranking: 5 Yo Adrians
In the unlikely event that the Eagles manage to somehow win the big game and dethrone the evil Patriots, God only knows what might happen in and to Philadelphia. It would be completely uncharted territory. But frankly, even if the Eagles lose, we are likely to see similar mayhem. This is because whether a Philadelphian is overjoyed and gleeful or miserable and angry, his behavior is basically the same: raucous and uncouth. But after all, that’s what makes Philly Philly.