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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 24

weird twitter

When I was a kid, I was playing with my neighbor’s dog, Rocket. Maybe his name was Jet. In any case, he disturbed a bumblebee hive. Bumblebees, you see, sometimes nest underground. The dog smashed, the swarm swarmed, and I got stung very many times. It was not pleasant.

From there, my memory gets a little hazy, but I think I started asphyxiating. In any case, my parents followed the advice of whatever the vet said to do for Rocket or Jet and I survived. The experience did leave me a tad frightened of bees, but they serve a purpose—unlike geese or Caillou—so I’m generally pro-bee. Just from a distance and I definitely wouldn’t go this far.

Don’t accept imitators.

His client is going to jail.

Make sure it doesn’t step on any beehives.

Hey, Halloween is coming. Let’s have a trick or tweet section!

This is pretty much what Halloween has become.


Michael Myer’s best man.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in the baby carriage.

Every couple has their rituals.

Lemme know what the answer to this one is?

I’d hire her.

I’d hire him, too.

It’s important to make a good first impression.

They are pretty gross, tbh.

This is true.

I’ve always hated that quote.

*The puppet nods and slowly backs out of the room*

What could go wrong?

It’s not like they can prove you’re not being honest here.


That’s sort of unfair to the yak.

As of writing, I’m 14,549 days old.

I thought knowing was half the battle.

Better than “Come Sail Away.” Also, I guess “South Park” got this wrong.

This is a worse idea than the time I broke up with a girl at the start of a four-hour car ride.

Strength in numbers.

He’s inside a hyper-minimalist building.

I don’t see what’s wrong with that name.

I’m not going to pretend I’m not considering this.

“Cops: Colorado.”

Even better than man bites dog.

“We’re the Dark Side, dammit!”

Maybe they identify as dolphins.

Most new religions fail, but this one has a legit shot.

Dads, lol.

The bad old days.

Passenger pigeon!

The guy who invented it went on to start bottling water. Freaking genius.

Learn to stop worrying about politics.

I can get behind philosophical points like this. It’s brilliant.

Well, that wraps it up for another week. Also, I’ve realized I spend more time aggregating these than I do on anything else I publish on this site. Like, I’m not even going to admit how much effort this takes. But it does keep me sane…ish and that’s not nothing.