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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 13

Come on in, the water’s fine.

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Ahh, the glory of the baker’s dozen. Whereas you were expecting a mere 12 carb-laden treats, you instead find yourself with 13. The practice wasn’t borne of generosity, though, but of a desire to get around King Henry III. Henry, while good at stymying revolt when it came to the barons, was not so good at stymying a revolt against market incentives. And for that, we thank him. For while no one will openly state they intend to eat that 13th donut, it will nonetheless quickly vanish from the breakroom.  Pax intrantibus, salus exeuntibus.

Or what they ate for lunch, unless it was a donut.


It used to be a bakery, then it was a consulting firm, and now it’s just empty.


Ummm.


Why STEM guys are always the biggest players on a college campus. Also, very few dolls.

Also the floor.


Sometimes it’s hard to find a sitter.


Federalism is dead.


Nice improvisation.


He would say it was great, but…


“I just woke up like this.”

Instagram in a nutshell.


It’s all in the delivery.


Also a marathon runner and atheist.


Soon Billy and I will fully cross over.


John “Sherlock” Holmes.

So weird.


I’m noticing she gets kicked out of lots of places, though she’s not wrong.


All right, all right, all right.

As long as you live, stop complaining.

Be prepared.


Really, be prepared.


He went out on his own terms.


As long as we’re being dark.


Chicks dig meat.

Geese are the worst animals on the planet.


I’m afraid this is happening to me.


Why is it 9 minutes instead of 10?


Billy and I are also bringing Joy along.


Wrong.


Right.


Really, it’s not?


Refreshing honesty.


Live mas!


The struggle is real.


This guy isn’t going to win any spelling bees.


As Chesterton said, “Drink because you are happy.”


Probably best she doesn’t know.


Daughters.


Chicks dig bikers.


People say romance is dead.


R.I.P.


That’s it, my people. You can continue to use twitter for news or ideas, but slowly I will assimilate you all into the borg that is Weird Twitter. Come on in, the water’s fine.