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This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 7


By the time you read this, I’ll have attended an event. The dress code is cryptic, almost indecipherable. As a dad, I think I’m supposed to assume cargo shorts and some sort of flip flops, but that’s not how I roll. I prefer a more classic approach. Maybe a kimono and a sword. That says “summer chic,” right?

It’s all in the details.

Don’t forget to be well-coiffed, either.

Some of us take socks very seriously.

Greece is the word.

How to be sensitive.

How to science.

Needs baggier pants.

Speaking of kids.

Tiger dad.

I’ve long wondered about this. Disney is pretty creepy when you get down to it.

Home improvements.

Prepare your children for the real world.

“Whimsy? Not in this house.”

Speaking of Wes Anderson.

Love, and do what you like.

The specter of the colonel looming, watching.

She just needed a selfie stick.

Like da Vinci.

Why can’t I find anything?

The silverware rearranging comes later.

How hashtags hurt.

Especially if they’re being quiet. Nothing good happens when they’re quiet.

That time Dora went really dark.

“It’s like there’s a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up.”

Share a Coke.

We’re going back…to the future.

‘80s movie songs were the best.

That’s how I’d reply.

Lois Lane was actually third on the list.

I’m actually putting this together at a library. This lady in nonfiction looks suspicious. Send bail money.

Thanks for tuning in for another exciting edition. If you have any questions about how my kimono and sword were received, please direct them to my attorney, and don’t forget to read the fine print.