I’m giving you a choice: either put on these glasses or start eatin’ that trash can.
Stop rubbing our noses in your wealth and status and instead let us inhale the delicious scent of freedom.
Sing me the songs of dark magic, oh weird Twitter.
Let us come together with Bigfoot and ride a comet into eternity, baby.
Cubs win! It’s a useful reminder that it’s not politics that makes America what we are, but we the people.
On Sunday, we shall decide. Do we accept our overlords, or do we reject them? Do we embrace agrarian myths, or do we do battle against lies concerning lamp oil?
Christians in Syria face religious persecution and even genocide. How should we respond to their plight? One refugee gives a nuanced perspective.
There are times to make a point, and there are times to hand over a Snickers. Halloween is a time for the latter.
Let’s take a trip through the Hundred Acre Wood.
The universe is large, it contains multitudes—including parallel ones in which poets are assassins.
After one of these parasitic Baby Boomers is elected president, there will be much rending of cloth and gnashing of teeth. Then life will continue pretty much apace.
It’s in the hot yoga studios where the deadliest assassins known to man are forged.
Why isn’t it called a maize maze?
If you’re going to be a comedian, then you should be funny. Jesse Watters of ‘The O’Reilly Factor’ isn’t.
‘If the sun refuse to shine, I don’t mind.’ It’s Jimi Hendrix, grammar or no.
Haberdashery under a full moon.
Don’t mind this, it’s just my business shiv.
Don’t you forget Harambe.
Britney Spears, fresh off last summer’s teaser, is back on top again and dominating the stage, protestations of the most ardent Béyonce loyalists notwithstanding.
This isn’t a metaphor. Geese are horrible, and the time for tolerance has long passed.
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