Following a hometown visit episode featuring a slew of Nick Viall’s exes and a risqué bouncy house recap, the women of this season’s “The Bachelor” decided to send their lusty hero home. At the episode’s climactic rose ceremony, each woman set her rose back on the sterling silver tray, and walked calmly into the quiet night.
“It was just time,” said therapist Taylor. “Nick’s cute and everything, but he seems just a tad bit sex-crazed.”
“I’m sorry, but this guy is about as interested in a wife as I’m interested in sharks,” said aspiring dolphin trainer Alexis.
This season’s bachelor (whose last name is actually pronounced “vile”) is notorious for past escapades with ABC bachelorettes Andi Dorfman and Kaitlyn Bristowe. Viall eschewed ABC’s usual “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach to issues of sex and celibacy, exposing the sexual escapades of one bachelorette on live television, and tempting the other to a premature hotel rendezvous. Of course, this was somewhat embarrassing to viewers who like to shroud such matters in euphemistic expressions like “the Fantasy Suite.” Such overnight dates probably primarily revolve around deep discussions of philosophy.
Despite these villainous exploits, Nick was welcomed back by ABC like a wayward prodigal, and given another chance to find “love” this season. Alas, the comeback kid has seemed a little too delighted about making out with this season’s various lovely contestants, and staring longingly into their cleavage.
Following the breast-baring and man-straddling antics of Florida business owner Corinne, many women found themselves faced with the shocking realization that perhaps “The Bachelor”—or at least, this bachelor—is not actually interested in identifying soul mates, life partners, or lasting marriages. Perhaps, in reality, the show is all about sex.
This episode, things rose to a head. Despite the fun, romantic whimsy of having coffee with Nick’s past girlfriends and traipsing around a manure-ridden farm, the women of “The Bachelor” did not seem to be really enjoying themselves anymore.
“I’m frankly disappointed,” said small business owner Danielle. “I really thought Nick would be my Prince Charming. But I guess Disney doesn’t happen in real life. Or at least, not on reality television.”
Corinne, meanwhile, slipped Nick a note as she walked out the door.
“I wasn’t all that interested in being a wife, anyways,” she said. “So I’m not really disappointed.”
Judging from his smile as he read Corinne’s note, it seems Nick isn’t all that disappointed, either.