Over the weekend, the Pentagon ordered all U.S. Air Force B-1 bombers to be urgently evacuated from a Royal Air Force (RAF) base in the once-peaceful countryside of England called RAF Fairford, where they had previously been stationed, and flown back home to America. Why? Because England is no longer considered a safe country for such expensive pieces of kit to be kept in.
Plane Stupid
Prior to the B-1s being withdrawn, RAF Fairford appeared to be the target of an attempted Iranian-backed terror attack. In the early hours of Sept. 27, a female farmer spotted men clad in balaclavas gathered around white vans near the airbase perimeter. Iran had already made open threats against RAF Fairford, promising revenge for its ongoing role in launching U.S. strikes against Tehran. Naturally, the farmer called the special military-police phone number to report suspicious activity. Equally naturally, this being Great Britain in 2026, nobody answered.
Authorities arrested five men, and a bomb disposal robot searched the vehicles — the initial assumption being explosives were hidden inside — although investigators later assured the public this was not the case; they were just barrels, at least one containing fuel, which possess zero explosive qualities at all. As of now, the general theory is that the suspects were paid by Iran to act as proxies to sabotage the base, or test out its security. Tehran has called this idea “Iranophobia.”
Whatever the men were, the extraordinary decision was quickly made to grant them all bail. President Donald Trump said that choice “surprised” him and he wouldn’t have released the men. Meanwhile, around the same time the potential bombers were being released, a white anti-immigration campaigner was receiving two years behind bars for the far more severe “crime” of tossing a plastic bottle into the air in protest at all the Iranian terrorists being allowed into the country. It’s no wonder Trump withdrew his planes, is it?
Pure Riff-RAF
Investigations continue, and nobody fully knows what truly happened here yet, least of all, one suspects, the relevant U.K. authorities. The latest speculation from U.S. officials is that Iran may possibly have been planning a drone attack. What we can say with absolute certainty, however, is that the whole fiasco exposes just how rickety the entire British national security infrastructure is now perceived to be, by allies and foes alike.
There are several joint U.S.-U.K. military airbases across England, dating back to the Cold War, when the country still controlled its borders properly and enemies within were fairly scarce. As a result, external security is often surprisingly poor, consisting of little more than simple chain-link fences.
If Iran really wanted to damage U.S. planes, it would probably be far easier to do it using paid illegal immigrant proxies in England than surface-to-air missiles over the Gulf of Hormuz. British RAF bases have been easily breached beforehand by criminals no more sophisticated than keffiyeh-loving middle-class student-types. Only last year, a ragtag rabble from the left-wing activist mob Palestine Action easily managed to break into RAF Brize Norton, damaging military refueling aircraft by spray-painting them red. At least two vandals breached security whilst riding e-scooters.
The pro-Hamas vandals only had paint. Actual imported Hamas members could have had nitroglycerin. So seriously do the powers-that-be take security at RAF Brize Norton that, following the attack, the BBC broadcast an actual guide effectively educating evil-doers how best to break in there! (Just look for “weaker spots, perhaps covered in foliage” with “slightly smaller fences, no barbed wire,” advised the helpful reporter.)
At the same RAF base in 2023, a pointless queer DEI hire Estates Facilities Manager called Sara Hayes installed the first gay-friendly RAF “rainbow crossing.” She evidently felt protecting visiting trans-identifying individuals from being run over by passing aircrews was far more important than ensuring that certain lengths of the perimeter fencing were not obscured from sentries’ beady eyes by excessive “foliage.” The base’s then-overall commander was a mere HR lady posing as a soldier, who has in the past complained that “personality traits such as patriotism and bravery are viewed as desirable within the military.”
There’s Just No Defense for This
Lax security on U.K. bases is an extension of lax security across the nation as a whole. It is telling that, when told of events at RAF Fairford, Prime Minister Andy Burnham was forced to cancel very important business to rush off to a security meeting. That important business was not inspecting troops, balancing the budget, or securing the borders, but playing a PR-friendly game of soccer at the former stadium of his favorite team, Everton FC, with fellow time-wasting MPs.
Burnham has openly pledged to prioritize “social security” over “national security” by handing out free welfare checks to client voters (including Hamas members living at taxpayer expense in central London). His governing left-wing Labour Party is only able to claim to an increasingly angry and NATO-skeptical Trump that they are “increasing” the country’s defense budget by spuriously including things like bridges that tanks might one day have to drive over, possibly, maybe, and “rural broadband” in its obviously false accounts.
Great Britain’s military possesses ships that don’t work if the water is too warm (or too wet) and troop-carriers which can’t be used as their excessive internal noise and vibrations make the troops go deaf. A new reality-TV show, The Wargame, in which real-life ex-politicians were tasked with defending the nation from an imminent Russian attack after the U.S. quite rationally withdraws all military aid for the reasons outlined above, showed how delusional and unserious U.K. statesmen are. Former Scottish leader Nicola Sturgeon, when told Putin intended to bomb Britain’s nuclear deterrent, implied we should let him, because nuclear weapons are bad, whilst former Cabinet Minister Harriet Harman just suggested banning social media, the Labour Party’s apparent answer to everything.
All across America’s supposed greatest and most indispensable ally, in countryside villages like Piddington and Bicester, disused ex-army and air-force barracks are being recklessly transformed into brand-new illegal migrant camps for fighting-age men from some of the West’s greatest recent enemies, whether Iran or Afghanistan. And then the government is surprised when its remaining functioning genuine military bases come under internal attack from within?
Due to current absurd British “defense” policies, the most dangerous theater for British troops is fast becoming the British homeland itself. It would be far more prudent for NATO to establish bases in Iran instead; there are fewer Iranians there than in England right now. If he really wants to secure the safety of his U.K. military assets, Donald Trump should just bomb 10 Downing Street.
