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Need Help Christmas Shopping For An Irony-Poisoned Cinephile? Look No Further

What does one get for someone who already owns every Blu-Ray under the sun?

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Christmas shopping is hard. It’s even harder when you’re trying to find the right gift for the person who speaks almost exclusively in quotes from “The Simpsons” and is embroiled in a personal crusade against the Marvel Cinematic Universe. What do you even get for the guy who hasn’t left his bedroom since hearing that David Lynch is getting divorced?

Christmas is fast approaching, and money is tight for everyone, so if you’re worried about what to get the irony-poisoned cinephile in your life, look no further. The Federalist has got you covered with a selection of gift ideas that will hopefully peel them away from the screen and back to reality. 

For the One Who Still Reads

Any true devotee of cinema knows that John Ford’s work is the stuff of legends. In addition to creating some of the most beloved movies of all time and giving actors like John Wayne their big breaks, his work inspired other legendary storytellers like Akira Kurosawa and Orson Welles. 

In Print the Legend: The Life and Times of John Ford by Scott Eyman, readers are treated to the life story of the best to ever do it. Copies can be purchased at Thriftbooks for under $10. But the Ford-focused fun doesn’t stop there. The similarly titled Print the Legend: Politics, Culture, and Civic Virtue in the Films of John Ford features a series of essays in which folks like the incomparable John Marini lead readers in exploring how Ford merges timeless philosophical questions with popular culture. It can also be purchased from Thriftbooks.

But no cinephile’s library would be complete without a copy of On the Art of the Cinema by none other than Kim Jong-Il. Just hear me out, folks. Set aside the fact that The Great Leader Comrade Kim Jong-Il was a genocidal maniac who committed human rights atrocities with impunity, the man knew kino. Kim’s lifelong dedication to propaganda shines in On the Art of the Cinema, but his understanding of art falls short. Regardless, if the person you’re shopping for communicates by sending memes to the family group chat, he or she will get a kick out of receiving this.

For the Music Snob

Part of why people love the movies so much is the soundtracks. They’re an integral part of the movie magic and often leave a longer impression on us than the film they accompany. You probably remember every note to John William’s “Hedwig’s Theme,” but can you recall more than two lines of dialogue from any given Harry Potter movie? It’s unlikely.

Christopher Nolan’s recently released “Oppenheimer” had one of the year’s best soundtracks. Its composer, Ludwig Göransson, even credited it with being one of the most challenging films for which he’s ever compiled a score. Give the gift of music and atomic hellfire with the two-disc “Oppenheimer” soundtrack.

And, of course, you could always get that special cinephile a vinyl copy of “Fore!” by Huey Lewis and the News. Even the non-terminally online will recognize this album as the iconic album featured in one of my favorite Christmas movies, “American Psycho.”

For The Drip God 

Just get him the “I Am Kenoughhoodie from “Barbie.” It’s funny.

Stocking Stuffers and Secret Santa

If you’re just looking for something small, gift cards to whichever movie theater is near you would surely be appreciated. After all, according to Axios, the average movie ticket price is over $10. Being one of the few people keeping this dying industry afloat is an expensive pastime!

Or, if you’re trying to find a last-second Secret Santa gift, check out these projector reel bookends from Amazon.


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