Having an abortion was the worst decision of my life. Having a child was the best decision of my life. I know because I’ve done both.
I was 17 years old when I first got pregnant. It was the start of my senior year in high school, and I was extremely nervous to tell my parents. My boyfriend at the time told me that my only option was to have an abortion. I considered different scenarios in my head. Could I keep the baby? How would life work? Would I be OK?
Instead, I went to Planned Parenthood, and they had me meet a counselor. I’m not sure why, because they didn’t really “counsel” me. No one discussed how old or developed the baby was, or even what was happening inside my body. It was very simple. You’re pregnant? Don’t want to tell your parents? Abortion is the only answer.
They gave me two pills to have a chemical abortion. The first pill I took in front of them. I had to take the other pill at home 24 hours later. All I can say is that I bled a lot. It was traumatizing and dangerous — the most terrifying thing I had ever been through. As I reflect on my experience, I can’t believe I did that and put my body through that trauma.
Two years later, I found myself in the exact same situation, pregnant and alone. My boyfriend and I were on terrible terms, and he wasn’t supportive at all. I was still living at home, attending college, and I felt ashamed.
But this time felt different. I didn’t want to have an abortion, but I made the appointment anyway. I felt sick at the abortion facility while I told the employee. She didn’t hear me. She didn’t tell me I had other options. Instead, she insisted I take the pill. So I did.
I cried all the way home. I cried through the traffic. I cried in the shower. I knew I had made a mistake. I didn’t want to go through that trauma again. I didn’t want to kill another child. Suddenly, I had an idea.
I typed into a search engine, “Can the abortion pill be reversed?” The Abortion Pill Reversal hotline popped up. A really sweet woman answered and asked how far along I was and when I had taken the pill. She found me a clinic nearby that could administer the abortion pill reversal regime the next morning.
When I got there, it was nothing like Planned Parenthood. They were welcoming and loving and explained everything, showing me a model of the baby at eight weeks pregnant. They were so supportive, offering to tell my parents with me, and promising to provide a crib and diapers and whatever else I needed.
I started the reversal treatments that day with a shot of progesterone, and then I had to go back frequently throughout my first trimester. From there, it was a normal pregnancy. That summer, I gave birth to a beautiful boy. Ezekiel is now almost 6 years old. I chose his name because it means “God strengthens.” Being a mom is the best part of my life.
I still get heartbroken over my choice to have an abortion at age 17. I think about it a lot, and I would do anything to have that baby in my family today. I should have chosen life for that child, and I will continue to mourn the loss of that baby for the rest of my life.
Looking back on my experience, I have realized that as hopeless as it seems at the time, abortion is not the answer. A child may be unplanned, but you can never plan for how amazing it is to be a mother. You can do it. Abortion is not the solution.
Don’t believe what people tell you when they say abortion is harmless and that it’s the only solution to your problems. The truth is, when you are pregnant, you are carrying a little human child. As a mother, you deserve to meet that baby, and that baby deserves to live. You do have a choice — and choosing life was the absolute best choice I’ve ever made.