Let’s Not Give Statehood To The Third World Country Of Washington DC

Let’s Not Give Statehood To The Third World Country Of Washington DC

To repurpose a poetic line from former president and wordsmith Donald Trump, the District of Columbia is a 'sh-thole country.'
Kylee Zempel
By

In their latest leftist power-grab, Democratic lawmakers in the House of Representatives voted last week to admit Washington, D.C. as the 51st state in the union, tossing the measure to the Senate, where it faces an uphill battle. That’s because, as even some Democratic senators know, conferring statehood on the District of Columbia is a horrible idea — and not just because the founders wouldn’t approve.

Washingtonians who have ever bothered to crack the Constitution (likely a minority of them) know D.C. statehood is unconstitutional. Article I of the Constitution grants the federal government the power of “exclusive legislation, in all cases whatsoever, over such district … as may, by cession of particular States and the acceptance of Congress, become the seat of the government of the United States” even before the location of the district had been decided. As last summer’s mayhem and rioting illustrated, not only would granting statehood to D.C. give this one state a disproportionate amount of power, but it would also prohibit the federal government from eliminating threats and disorder there.

“Lawlessness in capitals poses a unique danger to a nation, which is among the reasons the federal government has exclusive jurisdiction over the federal district,” wrote Kyle Sammin here at The Federalist. “[A]llowing D.C. to become the 51st state would enable one local government to hold the nation hostage through inaction — or even endorsement — of riotous disturbances.”

But the biggest reason never to admit the District of Columbia as a state isn’t that it would violate our treasured founding documents. D.C. lawmakers gave those up long ago, anyway.

It’s that Washington, D.C., despite its stately marble halls and rich history, is a Third World country. That’s right: America would be better off giving statehood to Somalia. At least we could try fracking it. D.C. is no fracking good at all.

District of Disgust

Behind the facade of regal septuagenarians and activist lawmakers who don’t know the difference between insurgents and a surge, the brunching leaders of the next generation drunk on bottomless mimosas and blind ambition, and the dweebs in gingham button-downs overcompensating for their stature with a very important job at Deloitte or in some no-name congressman’s comms office, exists the Wild Wild West of Washington.

Over here on the right, you’ll find the beautiful Lincoln Memorial. And here on your left, enjoy the whimsical vinyl wigwams of the homeless encampment that has commandeered your neighborhood park. When you ride the Metro, don’t stand too close to the edge of the platform — or to the deeply disturbed and erratic person shouting profanities to your right.

Union Station, the talk of the town during the holidays with its larger-than-life wreaths and abundance of twinkle lights, becomes what I like to call Cat-Calling Central after the snow melts. If you keep your head down, you can ignore most of the jeers, but the one particularly vocal gentleman without pants is difficult to unsee.

Some neighborhoods feel like San Francisco Lite. While most dog-owners clean up after Fido, the humans who sometimes defecate on the sidewalk prefer to leave those treasures for the shoes of the less-vigilant passersby. Similarly, every single Starbucks bathroom is strewn with enough stray toilet paper to supply a quarantined family of five for a week, and the floor is so wet, it resembles the floor of a community pool locker room after swimming lessons — only stickier.

Crime Spree

All that degeneration was all going on before rogues took over downtown during the riot season of 2020, setting fire to churches, looting convenience stores, and obliterating exposed windows.

We don’t need to cross any borders to witness a failed state — or at least a dysfunctional wannabe state. The 68 square miles of Washington D.C. have it all: a pathetic education system, federal security that is a “shocking failure,” law enforcement that stands by while mobs set fire to their squad cars, and lots of poverty and illiteracy — one in four adults in the District struggles to do basic reading, and one in three can’t do simple math. This is to say nothing of the city government, which is known to be fraught with corruption.

With its shock troops around the Capitol and its show trial for a sitting president, Washington D.C. is basically a banana republic. Not that federal lawmakers would know, but outside the privilege of the Capitol complex, so recently fortified with barbed wire and National Guardsmen, communities are a little more vulnerable.

This brings us to the out-of-control crime. Homicides were up 19 percent in 2020, as compared to 2019. Now since last year, they’re up another 43 percent in 2021 to date. Carjackings have also skyrocketed. Motor vehicle theft was up 50 percent in 2020 and another 32 percent in 2021 to date.

Just last week I watched an attempted carjacking right in front of my own car in a “safe” neighborhood just after the sun went down. Thankfully, the owner of that vehicle wrestled his van away from the crook, but these attempts are all-too-common, and not all victims are so fortunate.

Just last month, a Pakistani immigrant and UberEats driver was murdered by two teenage girls when they tased him and stole his car with the owner still hanging off the side. The teens are getting a plea deal that includes no prison time for murdering a father of three.

COVID has made everything worse. Isolation has exacerbated civil tensions and driven many restless Americans to the breaking point. The mentally ill are sicker still, and the corners of the city once populated by tourists have been overtaken by vagrants.

Meanwhile, while the crooked D.C. mayor spray-painted left-wing political slogans on a city street she designated as a gathering place for the mob, she also banished faithful believers from their houses of worship. And now instead of merely the usual overflowing trash cans, you can find dirty masks littering the sidewalk.

To repurpose a poetic line from former president and wordsmith Donald Trump, the District of Columbia is a “sh-thole country.”

Washington’s Wasteland

Despite their snarky license plates, DCians have more representation in federal government than anyone else in all of America. Heck, as far as the corporate media is concerned, the country extends only to the perimeter of the Beltway, and congressmen and women who move to the swamp often work far more for the residents of Capitol Hill and Georgetown than they do for their constituents back in civilized America.

After watching an attempted carjacking, running for my life after hearing “active shooter!” in a crowded theater, and getting stuck in my apartment building when police surrounded my block to close in on an armed bank robber, I’ve had enough excitement in this capital wasteland for a while. Wisconsin, a real state, is calling.

For the love of all that is good and holy, don’t admit Washington, D.C. as the 51st state. The rest of America doesn’t deserve to deal with the incompetence and barbarism of this awful place.

Kylee Zempel is an assistant editor at The Federalist. Follow her on Twitter @kyleezempel.

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