Did you have enough of the Democratic debates on Tuesday, when the first ten candidates had their battle royal? (Or in Sanders’s case, the battle proletarian?) Was the thought of another three hours watching ten people boast about how much of your life they want to control just too much to bear?
Fear not: we’ve collected the best tweets about the round two of the Democratic debate from Detroit. You can feel like you really watched it without the discomfort of having to have actually done so.
CNN started, as they did last night, with an NFL-style intro segment.
I can’t believe I’m subjecting myself to a second night of this
— LB (@beyondreasdoubt) August 1, 2019
i absolutely hate these monday night football lead ins
— b-boy bouiebaisse (@jbouie) August 1, 2019
This CNN debate intro is everything that’s wrong with cable news. Politics isn’t a game show!
— Stephen Wolf (@PoliticsWolf) August 1, 2019
Who Am I? Why Am I Here?
Some of the candidates used the opening statement time to remind the viewers who they were and that they existed. Michael Bennet of Colorado did so at an oddly leisurely pace.
Is Michael Bennett getting a software update while talking?
— Erick Erickson (@EWErickson) August 1, 2019
Sounds like Bennet might have hit some weed before the debate.
— Ned Ryun (@nedryun) August 1, 2019
Compared to the night before, the atmosphere on stage was subdued.
de Blasio got heckled and Inslee had to remind people who he is so great start for them
— Ben McDonald (@Bmac0507) August 1, 2019
Did someone put downers in the green room water?
— Noah Rothman (@NoahCRothman) August 1, 2019
Ask your unemployed Detroit auto friend about me.– Andrew Yang
— Jim Swift (@JimSwiftDC) August 1, 2019
It got kind of lively in the audience, though.
Ten bucks says the de Blasio heckler was the governor of New York
— David Freedlander (@freedlander) August 1, 2019
Booker getting heckled lmaooooooo
— Ben McDonald (@Bmac0507) August 1, 2019
Protesters shouting “Fire Pantaleo!” during Booker’s opening remarks, but presumably meant to direct it at de Blasio. (Pantaleo is the NYPD officer who killed Eric Garner.)
— Matt Ford (@fordm) August 1, 2019
Hecklers had to come to Detroit to yell at De Blasio during a national debate because they can never find him in New York City. #DemDebate
— (((AG))) (@AG_Conservative) August 1, 2019
Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Obamacare Can’t Fix Them
The first topic again tonight was healthcare. Kamala Harris has been all over the map about what she says she would do to Americans’ health insurance, and the candidates took the opportunity to pile on her from every direction. She did not handle it well.
Kamala Harris feels low energy right now.
— Ned Ryun (@nedryun) August 1, 2019
Kamala Harris doesn’t care about or understand policy. It’s weird she wants to be President.
— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) August 1, 2019
Harris is all over the place when it comes to a private plan. She’s against it. She’s for it. She doesn’t know what she’s doing.
— Ari Fleischer (@AriFleischer) August 1, 2019
“The cost of doing nothing is far too expensive.”
Every time I hear that, I think of the salesman: “Don’t think that you can’t afford this car. Think that you can’t afford not to buy this car!”
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) August 1, 2019
Biden has Harris on the ropes here.
— Jim Swift (@JimSwiftDC) August 1, 2019
Cory Booker stayed out of it, and just wanted everyone to be nice and stop all this debating.
Booker maybe doesn’t realize that pitting Democrats against each other is sort of the point of a Democratic primary debate?
— John Daniel Davidson (@johnddavidson) August 1, 2019
Cory, once again, playing Lex Luthor’s boring son.
— GregGutfeld (@greggutfeld) August 1, 2019
Kirsten Gillibrand jumped in briefly.
#DemDebate: Gillibrand’s really worked up about health care for someone who spent years as a big-shot attorney for Big Tobacco, no?
— Lenny Dykstra (@LennyDykstra) August 1, 2019
But Tulsi Gabbard really stole the show.
Harris first emphasizes Sebelius’ love of her plan, which Gabbard criticizes as crony capitalism since Sebelius has financial interests in it, and then Harris says Sebelius merely endorsed it, didn’t write it.
— Mollie (@MZHemingway) August 1, 2019
Kamala: my plan was written by the same person who wrote Obamacare.
Tulsi: that would be Kathleen Sabelius and she is absolute scum.
Kamala: WRONG SHE ENDORSED IT SHE DIDNT WRITE IT.
— The Red-Headed Libertarian (@TRHLofficial) August 1, 2019
Tulsi Gabbard turning the Sebelius plug against Harris. That was a surgical strike. #DemDebate
— S.E. Cupp (@secupp) August 1, 2019
Kamala Harris touting the endorsement of the only person fired over the Obamacare rollout debacle is pretty great.
— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) August 1, 2019
Harris’s health plan makes no goddamn sense. I mean that literally.
— Richard M. Nixon (@dick_nixon) August 1, 2019
Gabbard also tried to get some of that Marianne Williamson magic going in her answer.
the “sick care system” line is functionally identical to Williamson’s “sickness care system” https://t.co/dQclic3MPA
— Rosie Gray (@RosieGray) August 1, 2019
Meanwhile, Harris tried to steal Elizabeth Warren’s non-answer from last night, but the luster was wearing off.
Pinned down on health care, Harris cribs the “GOP talking point line” to rebut Bennet from last night.
— Josh Kraushaar (@HotlineJosh) August 1, 2019
“Republican talking points” = basic questions for which Democrats have no answers
— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) August 1, 2019
Kamala didn’t like Tulsi’s answer…. at all.
— Mickey White (@BiasedGirl) August 1, 2019
De Blasio jumped in to say whatever was on his mind, but no one was interested.
de Blasio is the most annoying candidate up on that stage. Maybe ever on any stage.
— Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) August 1, 2019
DeBlasio straight up endorsing banning private insurance
— Ben McDonald (@Bmac0507) August 1, 2019
BILL DE BLASIO HAS MURDERED TOO MANY ANIMALS HE SHOULD NOT BE ON THIS STAGE MAY THE GROUNDHOG REST IN PEACE
— Shoshana Weissmann, Sloth Committee Chair (@senatorshoshana) August 1, 2019
Bennet tried to talk them back into the mainstream, but no one was interested in that.
Michael Bennet on keeping private insurance: “This has nothing to do with Republican talking points. It has everything to do with having faith in the American public that they can make their own choice for their families.” #DemDebate
— S.E. Cupp (@secupp) August 1, 2019
Coming To America
They moved next to immigration, with Julian Castro of Texas getting the first chance to answer. After over-enunciating some place names, he tried Harris’s Jedi mind trick on the question of open borders.
“Open borders is a right-wing talking point,” Julian Castro says when asked to respond to criticism from… Obama’s DHS Sec. Jeh Johnson.
— Noah Rothman (@NoahCRothman) August 1, 2019
“Open borders is a right wing talking point. No one is saying that.” — @JulianCastro at #DemDebate
Libertarians: pic.twitter.com/WDG6Za8JQw
— Kat Murti (@KatMurti) August 1, 2019
He criticized Biden for not stopping deportations when he was a member of the Obama adminstration.
Biden attacks Castro for not raising his voice on deportations while he was a member of the Obama administration (fair point)
— Saagar Enjeti (@esaagar) August 1, 2019
Biden will not hear Obama’s name spoken in vain.
Biden to De Blasio: pic.twitter.com/kZTkctSH3K
— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) August 1, 2019
Joe Biden defends Obama administration deportations citing DACA, Dream Act, and aid to Central America
— Saagar Enjeti (@esaagar) August 1, 2019
De Blasio jumps in to say the same thing Castro already said.
Bill de Blasio with a good question to Biden. Do you agree with Obama’s awful immigration policy?
Once again, there’s criticism of former United States President and current Instagram influencer Barack Obama.
— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) August 1, 2019
Biden brushes the unpopular mayor aside.
So far Biden looks energized. Ensure works, gang.
— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) August 1, 2019
Joe Biden ain’t no groundhog, Mister Mayor.
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) August 1, 2019
I am really surprised that everyone but Biden on the stage appears to be good with bashing Obama on what his administration didn’t do.
Polling suggests that Obama remains VERY popular among Democrats.
— Chris Cillizza (@CillizzaCNN) August 1, 2019
I say this with no partisan rancor, but does anyone in America like Bill De Blasio? Are there DeBlasibros?
— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) August 1, 2019
The moderators asked Gillibrand to join in, but she wasn’t paying attention.
“Senator Gillibrand your response?” pic.twitter.com/KTovcYu8ky
— Seth Mandel (@SethAMandel) August 1, 2019
Lock ‘Em Up
The next topic was crime, and who was the softest on it. According to the more progressive candidates, crime in America has one cause: Joe Biden.
Joe Biden just said prisoners should be given access to resources when they step out of jail, like Pell grants, but Biden’s 1994 crime bill literally took away Pell grants from felons.
— Lee Fang (@lhfang) August 1, 2019
Booker tried to make the point, but Biden replied with the gritty details of Booker’s two terms as mayor of Newark.
Joe Biden just wiped the floor with Bookers shitty job as Mayor #DemDebate
— Armani Salado (@historyofarmani) August 1, 2019
Booker had a clever rejoinder, but didn’t refute any of what Biden actually said.
Also, Biden’s three points against Booker on policing in Newark were all 100% accurate, but Booker somehow made it all go away with “You’re dipping into the Kool-Aid and you don’t even know the flavor”
— Jim Geraghty (@jimgeraghty) August 1, 2019
Inexplicably, they now returned to last debate’s kerfuffle over the fifty-year-old fight about busing.
WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT BUSING AGAIN
— Damon Linker (@DamonLinker) August 1, 2019
Kamala Harris wasn’t gaining enough traction so she went back to Joe Biden being racist. #DemDebate
— Christopher Bedford (@CBedfordDC) August 1, 2019
Kamala Harris just said she would’ve been on the other side of the aisle from Joe Biden in the 70s…so, a Republican?
— Andrea Ruth (@AndreaNRuth) August 1, 2019
Kamala Harris says if she’d been in the Senate while Biden was there then she would have supported federally mandated busing (but at this present time presumably she does not?)
— Saagar Enjeti (@esaagar) August 1, 2019
Back to crime, Andrew Yang chimed in with the dollars and cents.
OK, it sounds like Yang will offer me more than $1,000 if I stay out of jail.
— James Taranto (@jamestaranto) August 1, 2019
Meanwhile, Biden riposted with some extremely factual attacks on Harris’s tenure as attorney general of California.
Uh oh. Harris’s record as AG in California. This is the punch Biden was waiting for.#DemDebate2
— Tom Nichols (@RadioFreeTom) August 1, 2019
It appears Biden has been paying attention to the oppo files
— Garrett Ventry (@GarrettVentry) August 1, 2019
Biden alluded to a scandal that resulted in more than 1,000 drug cases being dismissed. Gabbard claimed Harris “blocked evidence that would have freed an innocent man from death row until she was forced to do so.”
Both of these statements are accurate.https://t.co/X4hGEEr4GQ
— Alex Daugherty (@alextdaugherty) August 1, 2019
Harris says “I am proud of the work we did” about her time as AG, that they had to fix Biden’s crime policies. Then why did she continue so many of them? https://t.co/K0I38kxYER
— Elizabeth Nolan Brown (@ENBrown) August 1, 2019
Gabbard joined the attack and was even more effective. See for yourself!
Joe Biden isn’t the only one being attacked tonight. Rep. Tulsi Gabbard didn’t hold back when she took on Sen. Kamala Harris’ criminal justice record. #DemDebate pic.twitter.com/7eZE6v6ZHW
— Townhall.com (@townhallcom) August 1, 2019
When Tulsi Gabbard goes for the jugular #DemDebate #cato2020 pic.twitter.com/hkrqCNf0Xo
— cattypundit (@cattypundit) August 1, 2019
Apparently Gabbard just tore Harris a new one over her record in California. https://t.co/Bnku9l6WVI
— Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) August 1, 2019
Head For The Hills
When the conversation turned to global warming, Yang had a powerful message: GET OUT.
Andrew Yang with some serious doom and gloom on Climate Change: It is too late. Move to higher ground.
— Will Upton ⚙️⏩ (@wupton) August 1, 2019
— Will Upton ⚙️⏩ (@wupton) August 1, 2019
Jay Inslee also chatted apocalyptically about his signature issue and Biden doubled down on Obama’s legacy.
So Joe Biden just said his goal is to bankrupt coal, fracking and the fossil fuel industry and virtually every Democrat on stage agreed with him.
But yes, these Dems will be able to beat Trump in the rust belt.
— Andrew Surabian (@Surabees) August 1, 2019
Di Blasio promised to free the earth of lead, but the evidence suggests otherwise.
De Blasio is a complete moron
He breaks everything and tries to act like it wasn’t his fault. Dude is completely worthlesshttps://t.co/MMQUQC06Gv
— Comfortably Smug (@ComfortablySmug) August 1, 2019
All the candidates promised an environmental Armageddon if they were not elected.
This would have been an appropriate promo for the debate. pic.twitter.com/iQD3Gla5nC
— Caleb Howe (@CalebHowe) August 1, 2019
By now, Harris and Biden began to fade into the background. For Harris it was not embarrassment—she is incapable of such—but perhaps out of feeling wounded by the onslaught of logic against her nonsensical platform.
For Biden, the reason was simpler: it was past his bedtime. The other candidates took advantage, and pushed their weird ideas onto the crowd.
Tapper: How would you enforce non-proliferation in Iran.
Yang: I would give the ayatollahs ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS a month.— Kyle Sammin (@KyleSammin) August 1, 2019
Russians suppressed African-American votes in Michigan, you guys. Cory Booker just said so.
— Karol Markowicz (@karol) August 1, 2019
De Blasio also accuses Trump, Biden of being too pro-free-trade.
— Dan McLaughlin (@baseballcrank) August 1, 2019
Gillibrand decided to lecture Biden on the travails of single parents. It was a mistake.
Kirsten Gillibrand lectured Joe Biden on being a sole income earner. He lost half his family, including his wife, in a car accident. #DemDebate
— Christopher Bedford (@CBedfordDC) August 1, 2019
Yeah she bungled that about as bad as she could. https://t.co/3MHmjqO5J6
— Ben White (@morningmoneyben) August 1, 2019
Good times https://t.co/2trTwltliR
— Josh Kraushaar (@HotlineJosh) August 1, 2019
And I loved it. https://t.co/GXXrVHlHhb
— Meghan McCain (@MeghanMcCain) August 1, 2019
I feel like Gillibrand decided not to run for president anymore about halfway through this thing. #DemDebate
— jon gabriel (@exjon) August 1, 2019
Closing Time
There was a brief break to genuflect to Planned Parenthood.
Oh yeah, the best part of the Dem debate, the one where they all preen about how much they love killing
— Good Tweetman (@Goodtweet_man) August 1, 2019
It’s amazing that there was an entire discussion about the Hyde Amendment without a single moderator pointing out that “health care services” was a just euphemism for state-funded abortions.
— David Harsanyi (@davidharsanyi) August 1, 2019
Also some foreign policy:
Jake Tapper asks Cory Booker if troops will be brought home from Afghanistan within his first year in office and he dodges the question.
— Mollie (@MZHemingway) August 1, 2019
Both Booker & Gabbard we’re asked the same question: “If elected, would you bring all our troops home from Afghanistan within your first term?”@TulsiGabbard Gabbard answered the question. She said yes. @CoryBooker didn’t answer the question. He just preened.
— Joe Walsh (@WalshFreedom) August 1, 2019
Biden’s Iraq answer is impressively dishonest.
— David Harsanyi (@davidharsanyi) August 1, 2019
— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) August 1, 2019
Asked about impeachment and the possibility of putting President Trump in jail, Harris revived.
“I’ve seen people go to prison for far less. I know because I put them there!” pic.twitter.com/gJsW7TZrpq
— Stephen Miller (@redsteeze) August 1, 2019
But it was getting late.
Me when this debate started vs me now pic.twitter.com/XyV6mi6KI6
— Peter Suderman (@petersuderman) August 1, 2019
In the closing statements, Gabbard shared a foreboding vision of doom.
Gabbard is lifting us up with a tale of nuclear destruction. “‘Seek immediate shelter. This is not a drill.’ There is no shelter. That is a lie.”
— Chris Geidner (@chrisgeidner) August 1, 2019
— Haley Byrd (@byrdinator) August 1, 2019
But most of them just summed things up and plugged their websites.
“So that government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the earth.
…And please join me at https://t.co/2XCng5TehH”
— William Easterly (@bill_easterly) August 1, 2019
All except for Biden, who after an impressive night of debating was stymied, like so many from the Silent Generation, by the computers.
poor joe looks like he’s about to collapse. are you okay dude? #Biden #DemocraticDebate2020 pic.twitter.com/YBZ5Z1wL42
— onion (@onionoxiclean) August 1, 2019
Hey kids, go to the Google electronic abacus and type JoeBiden8675309.23Skidoo pic.twitter.com/fOv5Q4fQId
— Cameron Gray (@Cameron_Gray) August 1, 2019
“If you agree with me, just telegraph Pennsylvania 6-5000 to Joe Biden dot dash dot dot dash dot dash dot”
— James Adomian (@JAdomian) August 1, 2019
It was, in fact, an appropriate place to leave us. For nearly three hours, we heard warnings of doom and promises of earthly salvation. Vast plans, rich in details, blessed by the finest wonks Washington had to offer.
To listen to them, with enough taxes, enough regulations, and maybe a few prison sentences—looking at you Kamala—we could make this whole world wonderful for everyone. There’s no downside, no trade-offs, no costs whatsoever: just good intentions transformed into perfect, technocratic results.
That’s the vision, anyway. The reality? Hell, they can’t even remember the web address.