Skip to content
Breaking News Alert Here's How The Media Are Lying Right Now: Associated Press Rehabs Hunter Biden Edition

Replace Romaine Lettuce With These 15 Better Options

The CDC is saying all romaine lettuce might be contaminated with E. Coli. Throw yours out and consider these other better options.


If the E. coli outbreak created a romaine-lettuce-sized hole in your holiday diet, here’s a carefully curated list of things you can eat instead. All of the options below are better than choking down flavorless green leaves.

  1. Paper
  2. Almost anything from Arby’s
  3. Microwave nachos
  4. Nothing at all
  5. The New York Times’s guacamole recipe
  6. Beer
  7. Chelsea Clinton’s pancakes
  8. Milksteak
  9. A hot dog from Burger King
  10. Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook (not the recipes, the actual book)
  11. Vinny Guadagnino’s keto pizza
  12. Scotch tape
  13. Rachel Green’s English trifle
  14. “Chicken of the Cave”
  15. Whatever device you’re reading this on

In conclusion, Thanksgiving is not the time for salad.