Skip to content
Breaking News Alert House Republicans Fail To Hold Merrick Garland In Contempt Of Congress

I Tried Hubble Contacts, And Here’s What Happened


Fellow four-eyed people of the Internet, if you haven’t heard of Hubble contact lenses, you need to get with the program.


Fellow four-eyed people of the Internet, if you haven’t heard of Hubble contact lenses, you need to get with the program. I’ll tell you all about the subscription-based contact delivery service that is super-cheap in a second, but first, bear with me as I tell a story about that time I wore glasses on TV.

This is me wearing glasses on Fox News’s “Fox and Friends” on Sunday morning, which I later learned was a VERY CONTROVERSIAL FASHION CHOICE.

Whenever I have to be on camera in the morning, I don’t bother putting on my contact lenses, because there’s nothing worse than jamming plastic disks onto your eyeballs at 4:30 a.m. So I wear my glasses, but make sure to yank them off right before my hit so I don’t look like a doofus on TV.

This past Sunday was different. I’m sick and tired of not being able to see the camera I’m supposed to look straight at and talk into. So I decided to wear my glasses the entire time, and the people of Twitter went nuts.

I was accused of wearing fake glasses to appear smarter. I was told that just because I LOOKED smart in my glasses DIDN’T MEAN I WAS SMART. People assumed I thought I HAD to wear glasses on Fox News because I’m a “non blonde.” Who knew eyewear was such a big deal?

For the record, my glasses are not fake. I’m blind as a bat. My 70-year-old grandmother, who has the same prescription I do, once remarked: “Isn’t it great they can make the lenses so thin nowadays? When I was in high school, I had to wear these horrendous coke bottle lenses and was always getting teased.” In other words, if it were 1950, I would be hideous.

I’ve worn glasses or contact lenses since I was 11 years old. If I didn’t HAVE TO put something on top of my eyeballs every morning in order to see more than two feet in front of me, I wouldn’t.

Also, I’m sick and tired of basically having to give a bunch of money to Acuvue every six months for my contact lenses. So Hubble’s $30 per month price for daily contact lenses (which I have been previously too cheap to invest in, even though it’s better for my eyes) was very tempting.

There were a few concerns: Would they be comfortable? Would they dry out? Are they cheapo lenses that are stiff and itchy? But the first box was free. So of course I was willing to subject my eyes to potential torture.

So far, I love them. They’re very soft and flexible. They have yet to dry out on me or make my eyes water, and best of all, they are cheap, cheap, cheap! The guys over at Hubble should really be paying me to be their spokesperson, because I have yet to shut up about them. You can sign up to try them out yourself here.

Oh, by the way, I plan to continue wearing my glasses for early-morning TV, because life is too short.

Note: I was not in any way paid or otherwise compensated to write this article. I’m hoping enough people get in on the cheap contact lens craze so we can drive down prices in general. Yay, capitalism!