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Breaking News Alert Liz Cheney Weaponizes Racial Division For Political Power, Baselessly Labeling GOP Leadership White Supremacist

This Week In Weird Twitter, Volume 59

Do fries come with that ‘make that shake great again’?


When we think of county fairs, many things come to mind. Most of those things are fried. They are also expensive and probably bad for us in the long term. In the short term, they are tasty, provide a modicum of nourishment, and aren’t instantly debilitating.

First, we board a roller coaster manned by some shady figure, one we wouldn’t normally trust, but his wares are expensive, so we take our seats. Then, after a few twists and turns, we’ll again be in position to hand over our life savings for more fried foods. But enough about the election. There’s still a bit more dog and pony before we arrive at that point. There’s also all-day hash browns, and they’re pretty delicious so long as you’re not really paying attention or are sufficiently hungover, which is recommended.

I think it was part of whoever’s platform.

Those fryers aren’t limited to potatoes, either. Iowa may be the beginning, but it’s not the end.

Probably weren’t deep fried. Actually, even if they were, this isn’t part of making America great again, regardless of your affiliation.

Maybe there was some residual oil on it, but otherwise this isn’t making anything great.

Spoiler alert: Shortly after this statement, he endorsed fries.

Lot of gold, there’s a clown, a shady character or two, some other undesirable things…

I’ll give you three guesses what she did wrong, and the first two don’t count.

Third-party guys just throw their votes away.

Pepperidge Farm remembers the good old days.

Okay, I just dissed third parties, but she makes a point here.

“This ad approved by lol, nothing matters.”

Some people take optimism too far.

It’s good to have post-election plans.

He does seem to have a pretty good lock on the dad vote, but—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—thermostats just aren’t that important.

“Your word is apropos.” “Can you use it in a sentence?”

This sentence would also work. God help us.

This argument seems…familiar.

I think this ad has been done before.

Good fences make good neighbors and, really, what is a wall but a really good fence.

Case in point.

Entirely too easy.

Nostalgia is dangerous, but she makes a damn good point.

Have you considered frying it?

Hmmm, maybe those who cling to nostalgia have a point.

I mean.

The tilt-a-whirl is right this way.

See the above.

Don’t wait on politicians to save you. Take matters into your own hands. It’s the only way.

Also, defy categorization. Be the best you that you can be and forget the losers and the haters!

Besides, some of these subcategories are getting ridiculous.

But some make perfect sense.

A certain candidate takes notes.

She may not be the hero we need, but she’s the one we deserve.

There will always be haters. Sad!

Well, this would be a tad extreme.

Not if we build a wall there won’t be!

Pretty much.

I have an idea, and it’s a word starting with “w.”

Orange is rather difficult to cover.

The future we could have, were it not for the haters, etc., et al.

This campaign slogan was rejected. Too bad. It would’ve produced some great swag.

This one was also rejected, but for reasons having to do with being a little too honest.

As for opposition advertising.

You know what we haven’t been discussing? The extremely important issue of first pet.

Class act.

I think there’s a wall for that.

It may seem to be a dark time, but it’s always the most clichéd before the accurate cliché or something. That’s why we’ve got to pull our bootstraps up by ourselves and get out there and do something. Something meaningful and powerful. It’s always morning somewhere, particularly at McDonald’s, where the all-day breakfast menu is getting larger and more in charger.