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Apparently Ladies Want To Bleed All Over Trump’s Whatever


Bloody Marys undies showed up in my inbox a few days ago—whether on my Etsy digest or one of the many news digests, I do not recall. I thought they were another vulgar novelty so common these days. I rolled my eyes and deleted the email. But now they’ve shown up in the London Telegraph because, apparently, they are selling briskly.

Bloody Marys are part of a new thing in women’s fashion: period panties. There are multiple trends driving the demand. Some women argue that a tax on tampons is a tax on womanhood. Other women like the idea of free bleeding. (Yes, it is really a thing.) They think that pressure for sanitary products is about shaming women, and they don’t want to buy disposable sanitary products, either. Then there are the greens who lament the waste. They do not want to use pads and tampons that go to landfills.

But women cannot escape that periods really are a mess. We don’t call pads and tampons “sanitary products” for nothing. The tampon was a huge breakthrough for women’s education and equality. In other parts of the world it still is. (See the third section, “The problem with open bathrooms.”) But now that we are encouraged to shun the ground-breaking tampon, necessity, that eternal mother of invention, has brought forth reusable pads and period panties.

It Gets Better

Until today, my “favorite” period panty story was about the Cosmo writer who tried out various brands of panties. She apparently did not realize that the panties are more secondary leak protection. (Best comment: “Depends work better.”)

My favorite changed today. A company named Bloody Marys has “improved” the period panty. High-rise and boy-brief cut, it has snaps at the front and back for a heating pad for cramps. Two are included with each purchase.

But that’s not all!

The company has a line called “Blood Dumpsters.” These pants feature Republican politicians’ faces in the crotch so women may bleed all over Republican politicians who do not support abortion or publicly funded contraception. The company offers the opportunity to bleed all over Sen. Ted Cruz, former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, and presidential candidate Donald Trump, as well as Jeb Bush, Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, and others.


After My Disgust Subsided, Some Thoughts

Apparently, the Trump dumpsters are selling the best. On the top of Bloody Mary’s Etsy storefront, they announce that, due to demand, the company has a four- to six-week lead time.

They make even abhorrent stances look cute and crafty. Even when they are naff, the general effect is to take the edge off.

Leftist women are politically crafty. Not in the clever sense, but in the using your hands sense. They craft and wear politics. According to that that last link, Republican women once did. Catching a whiff of historical irony, Lena Dunham’s Hillary dress is a knockoff of a Nixon design.

Now, I guess it is part of thinking the personal is the political. Red women today tend to put their handiwork to domestic use. I have some lovely (if I may say so) blankets that I crocheted for my children, but it has never occurred to me to knit a TrustTED sweater.

In the ongoing PC battles, I think leftist women’s craftiness gives them popular advantage. They make even abhorrent stances look cute and crafty. Even when they are naff, the general effect is to take the edge off. It is efficient, too. Bloody Marys makes a $3 donation to Planned Parenthood with each purchase, illustrating yet again that PP does not need public funding to survive.

It is another example of how leftist women engage more effectively in the culture wars. They think short-term, in the here and now, and they act accordingly. They relate big issues to simple, everyday experience. Since red women prefer individual and long-term family or policy work, the leftist women sound louder. Our ideas might be better, but who but us would know because no one else hears what we have to say. Conservative women are effectively swamped by leftist women in the culture arena.

Knowledge and Fairness Not Required

Take, for example, the company name—Bloody Marys. By today’s politically correct standards, this is a wildly inappropriate name. As we all know around here, Bloody Mary was the nickname given to the Tudor Queen Mary, who in trying to reinstate Catholicism as the established religion of the English kingdom burned Anglicans at the stake.

Someone please tell me again about how the Right coarsens politics.

But who knows history these days? If “Bloody Mary” is a red drink with a celery stake as a garnish, then the company name is kinda whimsical. It fits the assumed need that we must forever combat the stigma of menstruation. If, however, you know the name is a reference to a murdering tyrant, well then, that makes it all seem a bit more sinister, no?

Finally, someone please tell me again about how the Right coarsens politics. Our speeches are full of triggering language, sexism, and hate, right? They’ve designed a consumer product that encourages women to vent their bodily fluids onto our political leaders. Even if for the sake of argument I generalize from one provocative candidate to Republicans on the whole, we talk, they act.

Not only is this Left against Right hypocrisy, but also women to men. When some man creates Hillary Clinton urinal cakes or pee targets and gets calm to slightly amused media coverage, do let me know.